A quick recap of my Asian American experience as a SAM

Miyagi...Go Karate




So I wanted to share with you all several experiences I had this past 2 weeks related to me being Asian:

  • BBQ at friend’s house:
    I went to an outdoor BBQ and while I was playing volleyball with the rest of the people, this one white dude whom I know just as an acquiantance kept saying “Go Mr. Miyagi!” and “Get that ball Miygai!” everytime I hit the ball. Nice right? Trust me, I look nothing like Mr. Miyagi or Pat Morita. And yeah, I was the only Asian person there and most of the white people were blue collar and/or rednecks. My first mistake – going to this BBQ.

  • Goodbye party for a friend:
    I went to a farewell party/dinner for a friend who was moving and there was this one obnoxious white guy who kept saying “Hey Ninja!” and “Miyagi go Karate!”. Why God do I have to put up with this? Why Miyagi? I fuckin hate that movie “The Karate Kid”. And he went on to say “You Asians are always screwing each other over” and “You Asians are always fighting with each other”. I got so mad that I whipped out my nunchuks and clonked him on his head but not before I did a chop suey across his chest. Hiya!

  • At the coffee shop on a lazy Sunday afternoon:
    I was sitting at a coffee shop just minding my own business when this white guy approached me and said “Ahn Young Ha Sae Yo!” I looked up and just smiled awkwardly. Mind you, I’ve encountered this before many times where an overly excited white person who happens to know a phrase or two in Korean or whatever has the urgent and desperate need to showcase their linguistic “talents”. This always annoys me though. First off, I’m not impressed. Second, if you’re going to say that to me in Korean, you better bow too motherfucker because I’m older than you. Third, leave leave leave me alone! Americans typically know only one language and some would argue that some don’t even know proper English at all. So when they happen to pick up a phrase in a foreign language they think they’re the shits all of a sudden. But all they really have done is butcher the Asian language. Hey, when I came to the U.S. as a young lad, did I go around saying “Howdy Partner!” to every white person?

  • On the bus way to work:
    This one happens to me from time to time – White person tells me with suprise “Wow, your English is pretty good!” LOL. Wow, I sure do hope my English is good since I grew up here in the U.S.

  • On a date with a white girl I met online:
    I get this all the time from white girls – “Wow, you’re pretty tall for an Asian guy” (I’m 6). I tell them, “Wow, you’re pretty slim for a white girl”.

  • Random guy at the tennis court:
    I had this one white person ask me “I’ve visited China recently and hardly saw any Chinese people on bikes.” Really? So he thought everybody in China still rides bicycles around like the good old days. Amazing.

50 thoughts on “A quick recap of my Asian American experience as a SAM

  1. I’ve read a few of your posts. Can I make an observation? You seem to be the victim a lot. Why is that? Do you act timid/afraid in public? Like are you quiet, look at the ground, etc? If so, it’s natural for bullies to be attracted to you and not consider you as a threat.

    I feel sorry for you though as it sounds like you’ve been going through this most of your life.

    Love,
    Merry

  2. This stuff happens to the guy I’ve been dating all the time! My favorite is when they tell him about his “English skills”…He was born and raised here.
    He is also asked “What are you”? all the time. He is Taiwanese – Either they get it confused with Thailand(and say: “I love Thai food”) or assume(because of his darker skin and double eyelids)that he is Filipino or Hawaiian, and are shocked when he says “No, I’m Chinese”.
    We tend to hang out with other Asians, so this doesn’t happen to him too often. Usually I am the one who gets stereotyped…Like “Wow, you can use chopsticks” and “You like to eat ___”?
    One time an older white women got REALLY offended by our presence( I had my arm around his waist) and made disapproving “tsk’s” and glared at us. I made sure to lean in and kiss him on the cheek!
    People have issues, and it’s ridiculous that Asian people are still looked at as “foreigners” in America. Some of them have been here as long as MY ancestors. I hope that those of us who stand up to it can help it to change. It amazes me how ignorant people still are in 2011!

  3. @Controversial SAM. Here’s something to make you feel better. . . maybe.

    Often I find myself the sole brown person around Asians (usually Koreans) and I hear the funniest things. Take these for instance:

    – Asian dude that was hella cute talking on the phone (with a voice containing no accent) “Yeah man you’ll like her. . .She’s American, but she ain’t fat. . . Yeah she’s brown skinned, but she has real hair. . .Probably not on the first date cause her parents are still together. Her dad’s cool though. . . Prison? The military isn’t the same as jail man!

    – Two asian dudes at the buffet loading their plate with veggies, their table right beside mine. Our waitress comes by to check on them and notices they have no meat on their plate and says: “Did you see we have teriyaki chicken tonight?” They look at each other then one says: “We gave up dog meat for lent.”

    – Asian woman with her son and his white friend at a pho shop. They get their bowls and the white kid looks around. Woman asks, “What you want.” He says, “A spoon and fork.” She hands him a dipping spoon and a pair of chopsticks. He looks at the sticks and says. “I can’t eat soup with chopsticks.” She doesn’t look up from her bowl but answers, “Then you don’t eat.”

    You need to come to Virginia SAM. You’ll love it here!

  4. @miercoles
    So I think you’re a bit ignorant. Let me explain. This kind of shit happens all the time, to many Asians – weak, strong, confident, not confident, small, tall, etc. I’m actually pretty confident and NOT shy or look down or awkward or whatever. I”m pretty affable and gregarious. I know what you’re saying when you talk about being bullied and what kind of people fall victim to bullying typically. I get that. But for me, that’s not the case. But what is the case is that I’m Asian and the people I hung out are blue-collar, redneck, type of people. Not city folks. but country, if you will. They drink beer all day, smoke pot daily, have no job or have a crappy job, are obese, eat trashy food, and get young teen girls pregnant – are total dead beats. But my point is that typically, the farther you move away from the big city, the more ignorant people can be. Generally this is true. Because there is less diversity in smaller cities, towns, etc. I do not know if you’re white or Asian…but if you’re white, your response is quite typical. Putting the burden or blame on me. That’s f’ed up. So…let’s say I was weak and timid…it’s still NOT right for them to do that! No?

    At any rate, these events realy happened and I was just trying to be funny – laugh about it. None of it was so egregious that it made me pissed off or angry. I was just sharing with y’all the kinds of things a typical Asian American guy experiences. And…these are unique to Asians or just minorities in general.

    I”m sorry, but your response did make me upset. why? because it’s the typical white response when Asians bring up this kind of stuff – they say “just chill out…you’re overreacting. or maybe it’s you and not them. they’re just JOKING!”

  5. @Rebekah,
    I bet that most Americans don’t know the difference between Taiwanese and Chinese. I was out with an ex once in public – she was white. We had 2 people glare at us and we were not sure if it was because I was an Asian guy OR if they noticed the age difference – she was older. Either way, I leaned over and started licking her face. They got disgusted and walked away. Then I yelled at them, “Go back home Yankee!” but then realized they were already at their home :(

  6. @ ControSAM
    You are TOO funny! I am SO glad you did that, even if you were too close to the ignoramuses home. You seem like a fun guy. :) My guy is too timid about this stuff and when he notices “big scary white guys” staring at us he will shy away,even letting go of my hand or whispering stop if he notices someone looking when I am affectionate in public.
    I guess we are quite a sight-a darker skinned, muscular Asian guy and a tall, overweight white girl-but we aren’t the only ones. I have seen a few Asian guy with non-Asian women pairings around. Well, it IS the Philadelphia area…it tends to be very progressive but there are ALWAYS ignorant people, no matter how enlightened you and your own group may be. From your other post on this topic it seems you live somewhere a little less open-minded, but I’m sure your ability to stand up for yourself is already changing the minds of the people you have met. :)

  7. Hey Contro,

    Nope, I’m a Korean girl :) My boyfriend 1/2 japanese 1/2 white and is 5’11” (he says 6′ tee hee!) but, I don’t think he’s ever complained or commented about a racist situation. It just seems like you get the worst of racism/prejudices. More than anyone I have ever met or know.

    I’ll ask my boyfriend about if he has any experiences he hasn’t shared with me. Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I wish I can give you a hug :)

  8. @miercoles!!!! uhh….hello??? Is there anybody in there? your BF is half Asian! I’m FULL Asian….meaning….he looks like a cross between white and Asian. I look all Asian. right? you understand that right? So….for a regular typical white person…your BF probably looks more white than Asian. If he, your BF, ever visited Montana – he would not get that many stares. maybe a couple cuz people generally can tell if so and so is a mix. But if I went to Montana….they would instantly KNOW that I’m Asian. omg, you give me a headache. OF COURSE he has had less to none experiences with racism, ignorance, bigotry, etc. I’m full Asian! when you see me, there’s no doubt that I”m NOT white whatsoever.

    So you’re saying….based on your comments…that ONLY the pathetic weak quiet timid Asian guys get roughed up, made fun, and victims of ignorance and prejudice and stereotype by white people? And ALL the rest of other more ‘normal’ Asian guys do not experience or see this from white people?

    I love you. ok? you’re korean, I”m korean. we are from the same place. But…you can’t afford to be this naive. how old are you? Do not tell me you’re in your 30’s. if you’re 19, Ok, fine…i get it. you’re young.

    point is, I’m not the only one who has experienced this and others here. many many many other Asian guys have gone through this. as long as you live in the U.S. but your BF is NOT Asian. he’s half Asian! it’s way different experience.

    I’m sorry to be so direct. I apologize. yes, please give me a hug…and please get the knife you stabbed me in the back out of me. thank you :)

    and I’m fine. I’m a grown ass man. I am NOT having a hard time. I was just sharing my experience and it was to be funny. that’s all. I’ve got bigger things to worry about than some dude calling me ninja. hiya!

  9. @miercoles, by the way, I tell everyone I’m 6ft tall but i’m probably actually 5’11 3/4 :)
    But white people generally don’t believe me at all when I say i’m 6ft tall. So I stand up. and they become quiet and that’s how I regulate. Holla.

  10. Miercoles is exactly the kind of Asian girl that makes it difficult for Asian men to date out. If they can type it out on the Internet, in the spirit of “You are probably a weak Asian guy who deserves to be bullied”…
    It isn’t a stretch to say that she may wander around her collection of friends, here and there interjecting “Asian men are lame. So sexist, controlling and not worth dating. I am an Asian woman, and I am telling you the truth about them”.
    Another reason not to date Asian women. Since when was the last time you heard a Caucasian or a Black woman say that about their men?

  11. @P Ray
    I have to admit, I say SOME negative things about the guys from my race. Some of the white guys I dated in the past have been total pigs – much like the stereotype of them – big, conquering, racist, sex crazed pigs. But to clear the air I have dated guys from many races, so it’s not all white guys. Seems I have made a few bad choices…lol.
    That’s not to say I haven’t dated nice, gentle or appropriate white guys, or even black guys. I dated a black guy I went to school with my senior year, he was such a sweetheart! We are still friends(and we’re in our 30’s). The first really educated and cultured man I have dated is my current guy. He also just so happens to be Asian.
    Of course I am just one person…I don’t represent ALL white women, and nobody should generalize that THEIR experiences represent ALL people. That is true ignorance!

  12. True, but some people, with the idea of “friendship” give me these gems:
    I heard this once from a girl “True friends agree on everything”.
    If that’s the way many girls think, it is not a wonder relationships become self-serving and manipulative… the Sex and The City mindset takes hold, and they try to move from guy to guy, wanting the bigger, better deal.
    And of course, rejecting guys out-of-hand.
    Heh heh, of course, there is a downside to that.
    They don’t consider that the guys they reject out-of-hand, may have been guys sincere and sweet on them … who have their intentions rudely humiliated, and then later have it in their mind that asking many women out in a variety of ways, trains them to be “confident”. After all… they’ve lost the person they wanted to be with … so they have NOTHING to lose by discarding all their feelings, inhibitions and getting into the “just do it” mindset. You follow me?
    Welcome to the making of players … and they couldn’t have done it without women who wanted to trade up…
    That’s why an inability to think relationships are anything other than “fun” … has some later, serious consequences…

  13. @P Ray
    Yes, you are right about that. If someone thinks a relationship is all fun and games and you just get someone else if you encounter a problem with your partner – that is just wrong and goes to show why the divorce rate is so high in this country.
    I have been dating my guy for 5 years…most marriages don’t last that long! We are similar AND different, we agree AND disagree, we are traditional AND modern…this is what keeps us strong, being able to endure even if it isn’t always easy. Love and understanding, that is what makes it work….People are way too shallow these days. I know we may not stay together forever, but if we do I know we both gave it our best efforts. That’s how it is supposed to be.

  14. On a date with a white girl I met online:
    I get this all the time from white girls – “Wow, you’re pretty tall for an Asian guy” (I’m 6). I tell them, “Wow, you’re pretty slim for a white girl”.

    FUCKING LOL. I get this kind of shit more from Asian girls rather than any other girls, but I can’t think of any negative stereotypes of Asian women to reply back with haha. Seriously though, there seem to be so many self-loathing (or similar) Asian girls where I am who talk shit about Asian migrants and Asian guys – how do you guys deal with this without sounding preachy?

    I think I would almost prefer to deal with the more antagonistic and simple racism in the rest of OPs post.

  15. The Asian woman stereotypes you can go with are:
    “Pancake tits.”
    “No ass.”
    “Should I keep the scissors away from you?”
    You’re welcome!

  16. @miercoles and rest
    miercoles, I do apologize – I didn’t mean to go off on you in my previous comments. I just got a little fired up that’s all. When you were saying that because I was getting bullied because I may be weak, looking down, timid, etc. I felt you were missing the glaring obvious point and that was that it doesn’t matter if one is timid or shy or whatever…if they’re Asian looking…ignorant white people will say a lot of stupid and ignorant things based on stereotypes. And you made it sound like if one was NOT timid or whatever, they would NOT get bullied..which is NOT true at all. And…you said this was the first time you heard of an Asian guy getting bullied or whatever to this degree and that your BF does not get bullied at all. But he’s half Asian and not full Asian.
    Anyway, forgive me :) Just trying to keep it real. Me luv u long time!

  17. The other thing SAMs should quickly understand…
    is that any woman who thinks they are so fantastic, will either go out of their way to get to them when they’re young and attractive, set them up with their friends, or both.
    A woman telling a SAM that “you are so nice” when she has spent her youth on go-nowhere relationships with men that gave her the “(va)gina tingles” …
    is basically saying:
    You weren’t good enough for me to have a relationship with at a time when being with me meant I respected you (hence why I am with you when I am young, fertile and attractive),
    But you are good enough for me now, when I need a man to pick up the slack for all the bad decisions I made in the past(and he has to compensate for all my previous bad relationships, while I never trust him enough – hence cheat him a second time: firstly, by being without my youth, and secondly, by not giving my all in the relationship).
    Be aware that if she’s in her 30’s, she may also be a single mother, along with complications for pregnancy.
    So the SAM gets all the fun of having a family, without a child that is biologically his.
    Such a deal! Unfortunately many SAMs fall for this ploy.
    Don’t be one of them.

  18. @P Ray
    I guess I shouldn’t stay with my boyfriend of 5 years because I am a single mom myself. I suppose I should give up the thoughts that he and I will have children together also since I am now 31?
    There is life after the mistakes of a failed relationship, and love happens when you least expect it. I have no plans on being with anyone else, and I am pretty sure that he doesn’t plan on leaving me anytime soon.
    I guess I could see the issue with some people, but just as all of us who post here dislike the discrimination that Asian men get, it is also discriminating to assume all single parents are dirty cheaters who just look for partners to care for their children. I believe that was stereotyping, and you cannot generalize like this.

    So I guess I should ask…Are we robbing each other, or enjoying sharing our lives together?

  19. It’s surprising how many people consider SAMs to be catches,
    when they have gone through life previously ignoring them.
    That’s about it really. It’s not really “I love him” when you have loved so many other people previously.
    In that sense, not being married is the smart thing.
    ‘Cause someone with plenty of “relationship experience” is a bad choice for marriage.
    Read “The Harmful Effects of Early Sexual Activity and Multiple Sexual Partners Among Women: A Book of Charts”
    http://s3.amazonaws.com/thf_media/2003/pdf/wm303.pdf

    You’re welcome!

  20. @P Ray
    You said:
    “It’s surprising how many people consider SAMs to be catches,
    when they have gone through life previously ignoring them.”
    But again that is an assumption. We didn’t ignore each other, in fact, back in our high school days (as a then 14 year old virgin with no boyfriend) I had a crush on him. He was my first real crush. We went to the same school, but neither of us had the guts to say anything to each other, me being a very shy girl and him being too timid to ask me out. He then went away to college and had the time of his life, nearly getting married himself. We then met up again when I was 26 and have been together ever since. How is this ignoring? How were either of us supposed to know we were going to meet again? Do you know he has had more relationships than I have? It just so happens that the first guy I was ever serious with and I didn’t click, but I don’t believe in abortion as an option(only for myself, not for others, that is THEIR choice).
    Do you know how hard this is on my boyfriend and I, and that people with your mindset are what scares us the most – It’s the SAME mindset that undermines ANY person who is discriminated against for their differences from the perceived NORM.
    I almost feel like I’m being trolled, but you’ve made some prior comments that are helpful and pro-active, so I think that’s why I am so bothered by your words.
    Do you actually think my boyfriend and I are “settling” for each other and “anyone else” would do for either of us? This is not the case.
    You should b e careful of these cynical views, just as you agree stereotyping people by race is wrong, so is stereotyping them by past mistakes. This is the kind of thing that breeds hatred.

  21. @Rebekah:
    Interesting life story.
    Doesn’t excuse the fact that you CHOSE to have a child by another man.
    Then return to SAM when you are done.

    Didn’t you hear about the telephone or letters? Or he moved to university the day after high school ended, nobody you knew, knew him. Yeah, your shyness was all the years from 14 – 18.
    It looks to me like you didn’t like him enough to find out anything about him. Or you were too afraid your social standing in the school would suffer if you professed an attraction to a SAM. You know, Bruce Lee happened many decades ago.
    The modern, independent Western woman (which is what SAMs WANT!) … too shy to approach a SAM. What a concept!

    You didn’t believe in abortion … but you didn’t see a problem with UNPROTECTED, PREMARITAL sex either – meaning that the guy you made the baby with, was worth a pregnancy (and possible STDs, too).
    Until you get pregnant by your SAM, I’m going to say … you’re showing me that he isn’t worth a pregnancy, but the guy that left you was. Way to show respect. Didn’t you hear about the “True Love Waits” campaign?

    Bringing the SAM boyfriend into your life story is such a smart debating trick, because if I say anything that in any way makes out that he has some hard thinking to do, I come off as anti-SAM. Good move!

    “You should b e careful of these cynical views, just as you agree stereotyping people by race is wrong, so is stereotyping them by past mistakes. This is the kind of thing that breeds hatred.”
    Great, moralising from someone who doesn’t see a problem having a child with one man … but being with another to be the father figure in his life.

    You don’t get a pass, principally because what I see from your relationship, is a repeat of that idea that SAMs become the new bastion of chivalry, to women who need a last resort. Or a walking wallet for women who intend to exploit them.
    Is that the message you are trying to send SAMs? ‘Cause that is what I am reading.
    Not good enough to be with you … until you have no one else to turn to.

    If you took the time to tell single women in their teens and 20s that SAMs are a worthy first choice, and they should treat them right … you’d have more credibility.

    P.S. The “put upon female” when a man points out that she has done wrong,
    is very tired thinking.

  22. @P Ray
    I really don’t know you or what happened to you to make you say such negative things.
    To answer the question of why I didn’t seek him out from 14-18, I didn’t know him well enough and none of my friends were friends with him. I honestly thought he was out of my league.
    As for my boyfriend and I not having kids yet – besides the fact that we aren’t married, he doesn’t feel financially ready for it yet, and from my own experiences it IS expensive and not something to be taken lightly.
    It’s really funny how you think I use my bf to care for my child and as a wallet…Since he neither lives with me, nor helps me financially in any way. He also has no say in how I raise my child, however I would prefer if he did.
    I am going no further with telling my story – It is obvious any good thing that has happened in my life is going to waste on you. I never thought there would be such an uproar over someone who is a single parent dating an Asian guy. I was just adding my supportive two cents. You are very harsh to someone who agrees with most of what you say. If I say I am different you will disagree, so never mind.

  23. @PRay – I’ve never fallen for that “ploy” myself. Have you? Obviously, I’ve known girls who treat the Asian guy as just a friend and nothing more but is dating a jerk – But this is just race-specific – this is across all racial boundaries. I mean, I think I know what you’re trying to convey here – that SAMs get treated like shit from their Asian female counterparts? That SAMs get the short end of the stick – from other Asian girls. And that SAMs get the “leftovers”?

  24. @PRay+Rebekah
    I don’t think she is “settling” with her current Asian BF now – I mean, in a way, he was her 1st choice so to speak, because she was crushing on him since age 14. But because when you’re young and timid, nothing came out of that crush. It’s all about timing – at least in Rebekah’s situation. She had a baby with whom she wasn’t necessarily in love with but she chose to have the child – nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think that was courageous of Rebekah to do that. Granted, it probably wasn’t planned and may be a mistake to be impregnated by her baby’s daddy but we all make mistakes. This happens everyday.

    I also commend and give props to her Asian BF to accept Rebekah and be with her – it takes a certain level of open mindedness to be that accepting for Asians because Asians typically are hardcore about dating/marrying a girl or guy who has had a child out of wedlock. So in that sense, I respect Rebekah’s Asian BF. It’s not right but some Asian guys would run the other way because this sort of thing is still a bit taboo in the Asian community. And I think he truly loves her because he’s willing to accept both her and her child, who is not his. That takes balls. And one typically can’t do that unless he has love for the girl. And I don’t think Rebekah planned all of this. And no one is forcing her boyfriend to do anything, you know?

    PRay, I think you’re being a bit too harsh on Rebekah, no? I mean, you’re being a bit judgemental. I don’t know. Rebekah doesn’t seem to be the manipulative type. I don’t think she’s taking advantage of using her Asian BF. And again, no one is forcing her BF to be with Rebekah.

    I mean, yeah, there are those girls out there who DO try to find a guy to take care of her and her child from a different father. But I don’t Rebekah is that person. She aint a skeezer. or a Ho. She seems like a very intelligent and responsible girl who happens to like Asian guys!

    It’s all good guys. don’t fight!

  25. @PRay, I have to say though you are an interesting cat, with your comments and ideas. some are valid, some I agree with, some not. But I’m glad you throw out these ideas and opinions because they are interesting. And I know you aren’t doing it out of spite or just to piss readers off here. So it’s all good.

  26. @All:
    Beyond getting a university education, working in that environment for over a year and making plenty of observations as to what is happening, you become wise to a lot of things … WITHOUT having to go through them yourself. Living in the dorms is an excellent eye-opener, and peoples’ behaviour there, when you understand what motivates them … become very predictable.

    I understand how fantastic it may be for both men and women to say that I have done the things I take issue with … sorry. I own the moral high ground, and shaming ain’t gonna change that. A man who has standards is always going to be criticised by those who don’t meet it. Appeals to SAM being “nice” doesn’t cut it when the person doing the appealing … has to write off conscious decisions of an irresponsible nature (with long-term consequences) as “fun” or “mistakes”. Or even better “Men do that too!”(how many SAMs become homecoming King, anyway? Or Big Man on Campus?)

    Get back to me when you see more single Western women of college-age who appreciate being around a SAM, before you start believing that true love only happens as the reproductive ability of the woman in the relationship goes south.
    SAMs want to hold on to their character … against people who “peer-pressure” them into being the fall guy. “You’re such a nice guy, here’s an unattractive girl for you to be with!”. If that isn’t the biggest insult you can give a man, I don’t know what is.
    Notice that the women saying SAMs are so wonderful … are those who would not be able to attract others. Hence why I dismiss what they say.

    Maybe the real reason for interracial divorce being 60% (Asian Man, Western Female) vs. 5%(White Man, Asian Female) … is because the Western female in the equation is near the end/past childbearing age … and the Asian female has many years left. Think about it. If a woman doesn’t value you enough to be with you when she has youth, fertility and attractiveness … SAM, you are being SET UP. And you’ll be on the receiving end of all the dissatisfaction. “You aren’t as good as the guy who broke up with me that I think about … be glad I’m even around you!” is what you can look forward to.

    SAMs can start solving the problem by choosing to be alone if they can’t get what they want … where they are looking.
    Remember that a woman who likes you … won’t turn a relationship into some kind of torture.

  27. I think this went WAY too far.
    I understand P Ray’s issues…I have a son and so help me if my son brings home ANY of the types of girls P Ray mentioned when he is older I will lock him in his room until he is finished his post doctoral fellowship(Yes, I have HIGH hopes!).
    But seriously – I didn’t plan to be a mom until I was in my late twenties/early thirties, but all that changed when my then fiancee and I had an unexpected pregnancy. I KNEW it was not the right time, but I could NOT give it up or abort. I have very high morals, and I know P Ray will disagree since I did have premarital sex with my ex.
    Yes, I was planning on marrying young. I am 31, my child is 11. My current bf and I both want children, but we are not ready. I am planning to go back to school and get my bachelors finished, my bf is still deciding what he wants to do(more schooling or a change of career).
    I always say my bf must REALLY love me, because the kinds of girls he went out with before me are all amazing – PhD’s, educators, business women who make 6 figures – I don’t know why he is with me! I honestly think it was fate.
    Again, he does not in any way support me, other than his great advise and his love. I also want to add that BOTH my parents are deceased, so I really DO do it all by myself. I do have a sister, but she works full time so I cannot rely on her unless it’s for an emergency.

    And I had to say….P Ray, you DO know women can have children into their 40’s, right? And that they don’t have problems. Not ALL later life births are dangerous. If your body is healthy enough it will be fine.

    Sorry I responded to these posts. I figured it was acceptable since I was in a relationship with a SAM, and would add a different perspective to the mix.

  28. hmm… Interesting. On another thread some self-described AF was arguing that AF don’t try to deny racism exists. She says she is not ashamed and wants to talk about her experiences with racism but also says that when she brings this up to AM they seem not to care to acknowledge it. I said that that is probably because many AM when they talk about their experiences with racism, many AF automatically try to put them down with petty insults like miercoles used. These insults are meant to delegitimize, to demasculate any expression of racism experiences from AM. I think this is from a deep insecurity complex many AF have and their self- hate. miercoles affirms the kind of AF that I was talking about.

  29. Hey I just wanted to say that I think you are doing a great job with this site, SAM. It’s definitely nice to read about the experiences of other SAMs.

    Anyways as for the topic above about Asian men only ever getting the “leftovers,” I believe this is definitely true for the most part. One example is my Uncle, who married a white woman who had two kids in her previous marriage. My Aunt is a nice woman but is hardly what I would call a very “attractive” white woman, as she is quite overweight and face-wise is kind of plain. But of course love and looks are subjective so who knows, my uncle probably saw something in her.

    In my two years at one of the more prestigious universities in the USA, I saw that most white chicks don’t ever give Asian guys a chance and the rare few Asian guys who did/do get white girls were the top dogs of the Asian fraternity and even then their gfs weren’t the most attractive and some were quite plain. Even if you are muscular, pretty good looking for an Asian dude (I get Tae Yang-ed a lot), can bench/deadlift/squat quite a bit, are athletic (such as being pretty good at martial arts, whatever), get decent grades, are intelligent, etc. basically you represent manliness, if you are short (5’8″ or below), you are fucked. Basically white girls and girls in general don’t care if you can bench 225 lbs 4 times at a body weight of 153 lbs, deadlift 400 lbs, can beat up that tall 6′ guy with three moves, etc. If you are short, they automatically write you off even as fuckbuddy material and even if you don’t want to have kids. All because of height.

    Ok putting aside my height rant, which is about myself by the way, even some of my taller Asian buddies (6′) have trouble with chicks just because they are Asian or don’t look like Brad Pitt and they usually end up with not so good looking girls or the “ugly friend” of the decent looking girl.

    Basically what P Ray said was spot on. It’s as if Asian men have to put so much effort into themselves just to get shit as a reward. It’s like white chicks, especially white American chicks expect that they deserve only Asian American men who are popstar quality if the Asian dude were to go back to Asia. The sense of entitlement that these girls have is disgusting not to mention the serious princess syndrome a lot of my generation (late teens to early 20s) have.

    And don’t get me started on Asian American girls and Asian girls. Personally I don’t like Asian chicks because I find most too cray cray to deal with but the fact that so many AA girls don’t like dating AA guys just because they are Asian or not as manly as the 6′ tall white, muscular bodybuilder is fucked up. Also like melektaus said, Asian American girls usually do their best to destroy any kind of argument an Asian American guy has by talking about how Asian guys are chauvinist this chauvinist that. And because of our ancestors supposedly being chauvinist, we Asian men deserve to have no women in this world love us (actually China is very matriarchal and Asian women usually control the relationships, white men reading this, beware, because Asian chicks are often devilish dragonladies or just plain messed up in the head).

    We try are best, achieve some pretty impressive… achievements, yet we still get shafted. It’s as if god has decreed that Asian men, no matter how much we improve ourselves, will always be left to spend Friday and Saturday nights with Ms. Left and Ms. Right in a dark room, the blinds down, and the computer screen playing XXX material.

    In the end all I can say is fuck the world. I’ll do what I enjoy, improve myself physically, athletically, and mentally for my own satisfaction. And since women in general hate Asian dudes, I have no desire to love them. I’ll just pretend to love them, use them as fucktoys and then chuck them. If I do happen to meet a caucasian, eastern european, or latina chick that I actually like, I’ll do my best to love her. But that’s a 1/100000000000000 chance anyways.

    Also for all you white guys saying “man up and stop complaining” I’ve already done a shitload of manning up so you can shove those words up your ass.

    Semper Fi.

  30. @K Takaki . . . wow dude, that was serious.

    I feel you though. Can’t say if I had your experiences I wouldn’t feel the same. Maybe I’m one of those odd-girls because the Asian man you describe yourself to be is IDEAL! But you would probably overlook me as I am not the caucasian, eastern european, or latina chick you would consider. I’m just your 1 in a million chance encounter with an actual native american girl. . . well I’m half black but that only seems to make it worse for me.

    I read your post and found myself saying, D@mn some girls are straight b!tch3s, but you ain’t lying about it. I catch a lot of “eww you nasty” looks from my Asian female acquaintances when I mention I have a preference for Asian men. I didn’t check them up on it at first because I didn’t think I could. Now I get upset and turn all angry ajumma when an AA disrespects an Asian man in my presence.

    There are a lot of brown girls that drool over Asian men, but some of them are road-kill–> the girls that is and I’m not just talking about their looks. But for the life of me I can’t understand why if it is the way you and P Ray describe it then why don’t you look to the brown girls? I’m not talking about the loud mouths, self righteous, demanding, class-less girls (that exist in all races). I mean girls like me. Far from ignorant of your culture, self-aware, attractive, and more importantly looking right at you!

    Maybe you guys just don’t like brown girls. I can respect that. I do though keep coming back to that question when I hear so many Asian men have such abhorrent experiences with Asian females and don’t want non-asian doggy biscuits on their arms.

  31. @Lightfoot Soha Osolage:
    So let me get this straight …
    Asian guys are the ones you want, but despite being the guys that get regularly emotionally jerked around and made fun of, they are supposed to recognise you for the sweet little flower that you are, and give you a chance by being the first to ask you out?
    Come again?
    Maybe you can step forward and do the asking, after all we live in the modern age and the Western milieu encourages women to be strong and independent, and know what they want.

    And apparently you are married (Does Ra Osolage know about you wanting to perform an “inner join” with a SAM?). Say what?

    That’s 2 strikes against you.
    I can appreciate your sympathies with Asian men, but it doesn’t mean very much when they have the same hurdles to deal with you(that they would with every other non-Asian) when it comes to the initial interactions + the mixed cultures too.

    So, in sum, we get all “wants the traditional values”(so he has to be the earner in the family, while you are the stay at home mum), standard SAM to girl interactions + a marriage to get out of, and mixed cultures.
    Does that sound like a deal to you? (Mind, if you don’t point out to girls of college-age or younger that SAMs are decent men … you are part of the problem – of course, I expect to hear “I’m not responsible for other peoples’ actions – to which I reply: “How do you think SBFs got a bad rap? – ’cause someone was busy telling that about them.”)

    Remember that a woman who doesn’t care enough to financially contribute to the household, is also one who does not deserve half the house in a divorce (Still want to be traditional? Heh, thought not). It also doesn’t demonstrate that you are willing to be with a man who earns less than you, meaning that you are after status (you can call it “security”). Since when was love about money? I must have missed that memo.

    I’d rethink that last sentence of yours: “I do though keep coming back to that question when I hear so many Asian men have such abhorrent experiences with Asian females and don’t want non-asian doggy biscuits on their arms.”

    SAMs with the experiences I’ve had, are not only “not attracted” to Asian women, we are actively repelled by the hypocrisy and hatred that seems to dog our every interaction with them. The idea that we “don’t want” women of other cultures is a convenient cop-out as to why SAMs are single.

    SAMs are almost always single because the women capable of dating them are too busy getting pumped and dumped.
    Which is why I am not about to condemn SAMs who want to pump and dump. Because SAMs who become players, only got there after having their hearts smashed by women.
    So, women created their own problems, and prolong it by choosing to be with players … and run to government or regular SAMs for the bailout.

    If you want a good man … you’d better be the kind of woman who wants to recognise a good man. By ignoring the good men, you lose the right to say “there are no good men out there”.
    And by being the kind of girl that doesn’t want to ask men out … you lose the right to complain when men only ask out the girls they find extremely attractive.

    You’re welcome!

  32. @ Lightfoot Soha Osolage

    Well technically latinas are “brown” or perhaps you meant Indian, Amerindian, or African American/African girls?

    I’ll be completely frank and say that I am not physically attracted to many African American girls. Just not really my type. Just like Asian girls aren’t my type (definitely not my type, white men, fuck as many as you want cause I don’t want them), physically and especially mentally. However, I would readily/definitely date an African American girl over a crazy ass Asian chick. Same thing with bitchy blondes.

    Bitchy, mean blondes (think Southern bell, American chicks who hate Asian American men with a passion… yeah you got the picture) are the women I despise the most. It’s odd I get along so well with white dudes (I’m sort of a twinkie) but white women hate me. I am definitely not gay by the way.

    In general I think mixed girls who are good looking are… well good looking. I wouldn’t be opposed to dating/fuckbuddying one. I actually think many Indian girls, especially northern Indian girls are very pretty. Examples:

    http://image.yaymicro.com/rz_512x512/0/424/beautiful-indian-girl-424f09.jpg

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZRj5nlc3sp8/TCBsxqa9QwI/AAAAAAAAINM/FR_aOMbOuY0/s1600/Beautiful+Indian+Girl+in+Pink+Saree+0.jpg

    I would have asked some out, but like East Asian/SE Asian chicks, they tend to dislike East Asian men (myself being a mix of Manchurian, Japanese, East Siberian, Formosan, and a tiny bit of Dutch). And they often make it pretty clear they don’t dig Asian dudes. Doesn’t matter if you are muscular or moderately good looking. If you aren’t tall, it’s not likely to happen. Sometimes I envy my taller Asian brothers. Even though we are no different in length reproductive-package-wise.

    It comes down to the fact that most Asian men have either had their confidence destroyed or have been fed so much shit about how they aren’t manly enough that they are very hesitant about asking the good looking chicks out. So, women giving hints to Asian dudes would be nice. Outright asking us might be weird but I personally wouldn’t mind. Also, people who say ” maybe your standards are too high”… I would never settle for a chick I am not physically attracted to and would rather be single for the rest of my life. And no my standards are definitely not too high.

  33. Anyone who says “Your standards are too high” deserves the right to be asked why jerks deserve or wind up with beautiful women.
    I know! It’s because they are “tortured souls in need of healing”, ahahahaha…
    I’ll believe more women want decent guys … if more of the women married to decent guys were attractive, and young.
    It is no compliment to be found as a “great guy”, by someone who gave their most attractive years to a person that she later says “was a complete jerk”.

  34. Wow P Ray! I didn’t finish ur epic b!tch out because it was too hilariously off kilter to complete. Did I ever post asking U or any other SAM out? If my memory of my own intentions are correct, then um NO I DIDN’T. U must only read what u want to on this site. In another post I state plainly I found this site doing research on one of my upcoming novels. I’m not here to pick up any man specially not one . . . like you. Haha that’s so funny you thought so. Maybe you would be dumb enough to troll for hook-ups onsit log and link out to your professional website where your bio and marriage status is on the front page. Says loads about you that you went there, specially considering you went all attack on someone agreeing with you. Shows strait obvious why you’re single; your pissy attitude not your race.

    More comedy: you assumed I’m not the type to ask a guy (Asian or not) out. Wow P, you went straight victim there. You do it a lot, I see. Your assumptions are truly the most pathetic and low vibrating thing I’ve experienced all week. That says a lot considering my pet died yesterday. But I guess I should thank you. You thinking I was trolling here for dates and your default categorization (the same judgmental views you say Asian females direct toward you btw) gave me the best laugh I’ve had in hours. Thanks for that. HaHaHa roflmao. You missed a lot of memos dude. And it shows.

    K Takaki, thanks for answering my question. In my novel research I’ve come across a lot of AMBW sites that are populated mainly by the women. I thought that was odd. Made me wonder more to come to this site and learn so many SAM have dating troubles. Funny that P Ray mentions my hubby because he was the one who said why don’t Wow P Ray! I didn’t finish ur epic b!tch out because it was too hilariously off kilter to complete. Did I ever post asking U or any other SAM out? If my memory of my own intentions are correct, then um NO I DIDN’T. U must only read what u want to on this site. In another post I state plainly I found this site doing research on one of my upcoming novels. I’m not here to pick up any man specially not one . . . like you. Haha that’s so funny you thought so. Maybe you would be dumb enough to troll for hook-ups on a site and link out to your personal webpage where your bio and marriage status is on the front page. Says loads about you that you went there, specially considering you went all attack on someone agreeing with you. Shows strait obvious why you’re single; your pissy attitude not your race.

    More comedy: you assumed I’m not the type to ask a guy (Asian or not) out. Wow P, you went straight victim there. You do it a lot, I see. Your assumptions are truly the most pathetic and low vibrating thing I’ve experienced all week. That says a lot considering my pet died yesterday. But I guess I should thank you. You thinking I was trolling here for dates and your default gave me the best laugh I’ve had in hours. Thanks for that. HaHaHa roflmao. You missed a lot of memos dude. And it shoes.

    K Takaki, thanks for answering my question. In my novel research I’ve come across a lot of AMBW sites that are populated mainly by the women. I thought that was odd. Made me wonder more to come to this site and learn Wow P Ray! I didn’t finish ur epic b!tch out because it was too hilariously off kilter to complete. Did I ever post asking U or any other SAM out? If my memory of my own intentions are correct, then um NO I DIDN’T. U must only read what u want to on this site. In another post I state plainly I found this site doing research on one of my upcoming novels. I’m not here to pick up any man specially not one . . . like you. Haha that’s so funny you thought so. Maybe you would be dumb enough to troll for hook-ups on a site and link out to your personal webpage where your bio and marriage status is on the front page. Says loads about you that you went there, specially considering you went all attack on someone agreeing with you. Shows strait obvious why you’re single; your pissy attitude not your race.

    More comedy: you assumed I’m not the type to ask a guy (Asian or not) out. Wow P, you went straight victim there. You do it a lot, I see. Your assumptions are truly the most pathetic and low vibrating thing I’ve experienced all week. That says a lot considering my pet died yesterday. But I guess I should thank you. You thinking I was trolling here for dates and your default gave me the best laugh I’ve had in hours. Thanks for that. HaHaHa roflmao. You missed a lot of memos dude. And it shoes.

    K Takaki, thanks for answering my question. In my novel research I’ve come across a lot of AMBW sites that are populated mainly by the women. I thought that was odd. Made me wonder more to come to this site and learn so many SAM are have dating troubles. Funny that P Ray mentions my hubby because he was the one who said why don’t U ask them what’s up. FF to my first comment on this post. I should show him the garbage P Ray said to cheer him up. He’d think it a hoot considering I asked him out 15 years ago. My Ra also knows I’m waiting on Lee Byung Hun to realize we’re destined for eachother and respond to my stalker-messages . . . come to me ByungHun. Come!

    Thanks for noticing that when I said ME I was meaning my type. You didn’t respond like you thought I was trying to pick you up. Maybe you didn’t think I was or maybe you did and didn’t want to hurt my feelings by turning me down. Who knows. Either way it shows you have class, not “issues.” I hope girls wise up and see what you have to offer. Ur one racial mixture! That’s what’s up :-) I had to realize early on I would end up in an interracial relationship (after all there’s like only 6 native American dudes left in the world. jk) Black dudes react to me the same way you say Asian girls react to you. My Ra was a good find. He actually likes the fact that I have 2college degrees, a masters on the way, a thriving career, and a cute face. Just be careful when you pick that humpBuddy though. Stay safe, clean, and cautious (^_^)

    I prob won’t check this site again as I’ve got all I needed now, plus more than I expected. The novel I’m writing is horror and thanks to P Ray I have all the material I need on how negativity and lack of perpetual joy can sour an Asian man’s heart to the point they die alone. Forced to haunt the living so they can in death have some assemblence of a life. Kudos P for the hook-up I didn’t even ask for. HA!

    You can insert your wawawa this is what I’d expect from a blablabla I said this because you said mememe that’s why I don’t fufufu I waisted all MY attractive years being a zygote. Please sir, bash away. My website appreciates the ping-backs. But here’s a news flash. I have a great personality, I’m 33 with great credit, live a debt free joyful life, and have a killer body with a pretty face. I’ve been all around the world yet I’ve never met anyone who would “settle” for you. Not because you’re Asian, because no one wants to pay years of their life to suck on a sour pickle when you get them for free with a club sandwich.

    LoL man . . . Tooooooo funny (>_<)

  35. @Lightfoot Soha Osolage:
    Enjoyed reading what you wrote. You have your opinions, a pity it won’t change reality.
    It’s a tough world out there for people thinking that relationships don’t need any honesty in them.
    All the pink fluffy bunnies in the world, don’t stop reality from intruding.
    You’ve told me a lot about you too!

  36. @Lightfoot Soha Osolage: A second reply, to match your own.
    Debt-free here too. And it’s “semblance” not “assemlance”.
    2 degrees, don’t mean you know how to use English :)

  37. @Lightfoot Soha Osolage: A second reply, to match your own.
    Debt-free here too. And it’s “semblance” not “assemblance”.
    2 degrees, don’t mean you know how to use English :)

  38. @ Lightfoot Soha Osolage

    Lol.. that was quite the jumbled post.

    “thanks to P Ray I have all the material I need on how negativity and lack of perpetual joy can sour an Asian man’s heart to the point they die alone.”
    I guess by the way I’ve been typing this is kind of true. It is true that I have no social life… other than lifting with lifting buddies but that doesn’t count.

    I forgot to mention native American chicks and native American mixed chicks. I’ve come to believe that the women I like the best are actually part caucasian part Native American and part African American….. basically variations of latinas though some may not be part of the latin culture. Examples:

    http://t2.ftcdn.net/jpg/00/00/60/55/400_F_605526_8YCVIFCzI5bGDeStCdwFBcQNJk3DeS.jpg

    http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j166/FreshDRE42/girls/352lunt.jpg

    http://static.tumblr.com/qqlujnc/q3Tlhptfl/picasion.com_ac1185e1cc0afd88674cb8f915a89759.gif

    http://cdnp.quepasa.com/u/9814341/photos/30499642/large/29985402

    Anyways, to all my Asian brothers. Though women don’t like us (especially if we are short) and rarely give us a chance because of the idiotic media stereotypes, we should actively try to combat these stereotypes to improve the image of the Asian American man so that maybe, just maybe Hollywood will stop hating on us. In some instances it can be very self-fulfilling and good for our own mental and physical health i.e. lifting/weight training/running/staying fit. I’ll be real here. Lifting has been part of what has kept me sane in terms of not being a completely bitter SAM (though I am quite bitter). Also the results alone will make you happy even if you don’t have a chick.

    Also try not to portray yourself as a studyholic workaholic Asian guy… even if you are.. and if you are, I would advise that you find some non-nerd activity that you truly enjoy because I’ve seen so many examples of Asian guys at top tier schools (such as the one I went to) burn out because they studied 25 hours a day and end up completely dissatisfied with their academic life and even worse, never having had a real social life… remember that social skills, people reading skills, confidence, etc. are EXTREMELY important in landing a job, especially leadership positions. Image is also very important in this department. Most Asian dudes aren’t that tall and don’t have genetic potential to get very tall. We don’t have the best genetics for muscle building either. But put aside your fears about any genetic barriers and go get bigger, stronger, and faster. Also, I want to see some more Asian dudes get into MMA and show them that there are more Asians than they think who are tough ass motherfuckers. It’s just like Bruce Lee said. If you put limits on yourself physically, you might as well be dead. Better to die trying to become an Asian Captain America than live as a shell of a man.

  39. Meh. The SAMs with not much “success” with women will always be said to have all the negative stereotypical characteristics (heh, heh … that is until the women that made those statements hit their 30’s and 40’s.). I am thinking with the resurgence of Asia, on the screen at least, you will see SAMs in demand.
    Of course, the real test is whether you see it in real life: SAMs being with young, attractive women.

    My advice to SAMs that I take myself – do what you want, (hopefully) properly develop a rare skill, don’t worry about “impressing” the girls – worry about gaining something they want, and work from there.

    I was almost going to say “be nice” … but being nice is a function of whether we think there will be any reciprocity or at least no damage done through our interactions with others (See how easy Lightfoot made my case for me?). Hard to keep trying when the reward for your effort is being laughed at or ignored.

    Withdrawal from being useful to those that want to use you without reciprocating, is a very powerful behaviour changer.

    And remember that women can always excuse bad behaviour from a guy they want … whereas nothing from a guy they don’t want is ever good enough. A guy they want, bringing them a knickknack from wherever, gets high marks vs. Urkel who turns up with a rose. Learn to spot women with selective vision, that doesn’t think you are deserving of good treatment until you are their last resort.
    A good example of this is whether you are introduced to her friends. Those planning to use you, are going to try to keep things low-key so that they can escape after having burned you, while making up lies to stop you from speaking to others, and maintaining their own image.

    And remember that some of the friendliest women that you can encounter, which can’t be relied upon as friends to set you up … will be those already with boyfriends. Hey, that’s what I kept observing … eyes are great, they allow you, over a sustained period, to make conclusions that are a true model of reality.

    Hence, SAMs should set their standards high and not waste time with those who don’t see them as worthy. Why try to live up to someone else, whose whole purpose of getting you to do that … is so that they benefit (e.g. how much of a good reputation, is a guy who gives a diamond ring to a girl that then dumps him, going to get?)

    The entertainment industry benefits by depriving SAMs of their money, on a promise which is difficult to realise.
    Hence SAMs should put their money into physical investments, that allow them to get ahead (and some head).

    Remember: How bad can these men – that women are “escaping from” to be with SAMs – be, when they are the ones getting all the sex and loving?
    A great deal of deception can be ignored or covered up, when the SAM steps up to be used by someone who spins a tale. Then in the interest of being a “nice guy” he gets played out.
    Don’t be a “nice guy” who gets used. Be the “nice guy” who is treated well by the person he’s with.
    And that means … the same kind of loving and sex, that the previous guy got. Because, if you’re the “one she’s been looking for” … shouldn’t you be treated well?
    Rather than being cheated twice: Once, by having to overcompensate for all the previous guys that burned her… and twice, for allowing her to get away with not giving 100% to the relationship?

  40. I actually don’t see what an SAM can do to make the situation any better, because you are battling against years and years of social engineering and unrealistic expectations that women in America will have because they have grown up on a diet of disney, hollywood and sex in the shitty.

    I mean you can easily see why so many Asian women make posts on here where they claim it is the guys fault, that he is weak and should just suck it up and deal with it, they just can’t break out of that programming. It is the same with Indian women, constant bitching of how bad Indian guys are, while cuddling up to their white alpha male. The psychology of the situation is clear to see, they choose to be with a white guy because of social engineering and not through freedom of choice, therefore you have to constantly justify and reinforce that choice. And of course for Asian women they are desired and wanted, so they will always respond with “what’s the big deal?”.

    My advice to SAMs would be to get out of America, go somewhere the women are less brainwashed and you will have a higher chance of meeting someone who will appreciate you for who you are, you should never have to change yourself to meet someone else’s expectations. The negative portrayals of Asians in the US will never change, you are a threat because of your intelligence, and the white man is only interested in your food and women.

    @P Ray, I think you were overly critical of Rebekah and it is a shame that she might think twice before making another post due to your unfair criticism. Your standards are too high, no one is going to live up to them, and no one should have to come here and justify themselves to that extent. I am sure there are many older white/asian women who go for the safe SAM option, but there are always exceptions to the rule?

  41. @JK
    “Your standards are too high, no one is going to live up to them, and no one should have to come here and justify themselves to that extent. ”

    I refer you to someone said about K Takaki, about his standards being too high.

    Anyone who says “Your standards are too high” deserves the right to be asked why jerks deserve or wind up with beautiful women.
    So, JK, why do jerks deserve or wind up with beautiful women?
    Because that also means that nice guys usually don’t.
    After all … if women chose the men they were with, wisely …
    why do so many women complain about how they “tolerated” the affairs of the “great”(read: jerk according to men) guy they were with previously?

  42. @JK
    I HAVE been second guessing posting. Not just on this thread, but also others. I feel horribly embarrassed by P Ray’s comments on my “over 30 and a mom” status…and it has impacted what I respond to. Nobody should be spoken(written) to that way. I know people are entitled to their opinions but that is just pure hatred. I’m sorry people have been rude to you personally P Ray, but really – not everyone fits into the stereotypes we all have for each other.
    I thought this was a place to tell your experience with SAM’s, support SAM’s who experience racism, and why you chose/will choose a SAM as a partner.
    I have spent years of my life learning about my boyfriends culture with the intent to be able to understand it and teach it to any children we have together. I have NO plans on being with anyone else, and I will do all that I can to be a good wife and mother. I want our children to be proud to be Taiwanese(and the 15 different nationalities I am). They will be fluent in Mandarin AND Taiwanese and they will be expected to learn an additional language or two(like I did)in school. Also my son(the HORRIBLE child I had before I met my Asian bf…j/k, he is amazing!)is learning Mandarin now with me and is super into learning about my boyfriends culture, also hoping one day to help me with his younger siblings(seeing as he may be in high school by the time my bf and I decide to have them).
    P Ray, you may think I am just (insert horrible things you said previously), but I assure you I am not. People make mistakes in life. If someone chooses to admit their mistakes and does things to improve themselves you have no right to group them with people who don’t. I wasn’t looking for a “sugar daddy” when I met my boyfriend. I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend. But I am blessed to be with him, he is the most amazing man I have ever met!

    FYI,
    I was going to edit this and delete the personal thoughts section, but I changed my mind. The point of posting on this site is to show your support for SAM’s….and to omit the part about how my bf and I will raise our kids when we get married would be stupid. I know I am going to get criticized again but whatever. So be it.

  43. @P Ray
    When I said your standards were too high, I wasn’t referring to women you should aim for, but the moral high ground you take which I think even Jesus Christ himself couldn’t live up to!

    I am new to this blog, but so far I see this as a place where SAMs can let off a bit of steam and talk openly and frankly about the crap they have to put up with living in a predominately white country. We are not wanted by the host country, we are marginalised and ridiculed in the media. They only want our culture, food and women, and the few of us who see this are even labelled as crackpots and lunatics by our own kind!

    So for me it was refreshing to come here and hear from people who are aware of what is going on and openly discuss it, this is the last place we should be attacking or labelling people. This is essentially what you are doing, you have this generalisation in your mind and you want to apply it to people without even look at them as an individual. You should respect the other people who post here, and at least show the courtesy of reading what they wrote before going off on a rant. Even with my last post, you just latched onto the ‘standards too high’ bit without reading the context of what I had written.

    I’ll also try to answer your question, jerks may end up with ‘beautiful’ women because:
    1. Money (jerk in life, jerk in business)
    2. Social engineering (Hollywood/MTV promotes what kind of guy you should be dating, current tread is metro-sexual feminine guys, in the 90’s it was black guys. Asian men are portrayed as comical, weak or gay, so automatically go to the bottom of the queue)
    3. Peer pressure (thanks to Sex in the City, all partners have to be approved by your friends)
    4. Feminism (Before this disease infected our society, women would have taken the advice of their grandmothers who would tell them that looks are not everything and that nice guys are the better long term investment)

    Why do these women forgive the jerks? I guess women are just more forgiving in their nature, before feminism tried to turn them into men. When a women invests time and effort into something, it is not that easy to let go, and even less easy to admit you made a mistake and move on. Rebekah said she made a mistake, even though in my view it is not a mistake, just an experience that she learned from and grew as a person because of it. And she is still trying to reason with you to get you to change your point of view, I only hope that this time you might actually bother to read what she wrote in its entirety.

  44. @JK:
    Jesus Christ didn’t have sex out of wedlock, so I guess him and me are equal in that respect.

    “I guess women are just more forgiving in their nature, before feminism tried to turn them into men.”
    You seriously need to take the Red Pill.

    Women let jerks go, because jerks can and do retaliate.

    I would agree that Rebekah made a mistake … provided she allowed the Asian guy she plans on building a life with – has the same allowance for that kind of mistake on his end.
    You know … equality – that women fought so hard for.
    When the shoe is on the other foot, they become all “traditional”.

    If Asian men are not willing to say they are holding out for something good,
    it means they are willing to take anything they can get.
    Again, no surprise why the interracial divorce rate is 60% (Asian Man, Western Woman) vs. 5% (White Man, Asian Woman). As I said earlier: look at the ages, fertility and education behind those pairings.

    Do you think Asian men should be treated better or have high standards, JK?
    Just to repeat the question in case you go off tangent: Do you think Asian men should be treated better or have high standards, JK?

  45. @P Ray
    What we know about the life of Isu is created by a bunch of homosexuals in Rome, look at his Greek equivalent Dionysus and you’ll see another story. Also the term to be ‘mary-ed’ comes from his union with Mary, and is now nothing more than a contact between you, your other half and the state. Its purpose should be that two people agree to be together to raise children, which doesn’t really apply to JC.

    And take the red pill? You are going to repeat something you heard in a movie? Some black guy comes up to me and says, here, you can take this pill OR this pill, leaving me with nothing more than two choices, I’m going to tell him to fuck off. When you start thinking for yourself, you will get a whole new perspective on things, take the chill pill!

    That’s my tangent over. I agree with 99% of what you say, your points are valid and there is not much difference between our points of view, just that I believe that there can be exceptions to the rule and you tar everyone with the same brush. I live in an Asian city, the ratio of white guy/asian girl couples to asain guy/white girl couples here are 1000-1, maybe more, and it does anger me a lot.

    I did know one Chinese guy in the UK who was married to a pretty white girl and they had a kid as well, but the flip side was that he was completely westernised, he couldn’t even speak his native chinese language! Yes Asian men should be treated better, and yes Asian men should have high standards, but you have to see the whole picture. You will never be treated equally in a white country, and in a world where the white culture and white language rules.

  46. First, don’t get mad! get even

    They: Wow your english is pretty good
    You: Thank you. You’re not bad yourself.
    My two cents: One of the things i say to Anglo girls when I’m hitting on them is, “Wow your english is pretty good”. Always get’s a laugh out of them

    2. He: Go Mr Miyagi
    You: Right back at ya bubba/tex

    3. She: you’re pretty tall for an Asian guy.
    Your comeback was pretty good, but it is hardly going to get you laid with her. As an asian male horndog with a strong sex drive and a grievance, it is your obligation, nay, it your duty to try to sleep with every white girl you meet. Now if she was a dog, your reply was good. But if she was half decent, your reply must be
    You: I see! So what is it about tall asian guys that drives you like so much?
    If this is said in the right way, she will flirt right back. if said badly, it will come of creepy. I suggest you practice macking my Man.

  47. I wanted to say a few things:

    1. Asian guys who’ve been dealt shit by women: Please don’t ‘retaliate’ by using women like the jerks that used her before. It just keeps this cycle going. Women are not entirely at fault. Far too many are easily manipulated by the media and societal programming to even think for themselves.

    2. Don’t settle, ever. I rather be single than be someone’s bitch.

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