"Recommendations? Since you're Asian, I'm sure you'll love our teriyaki burger!"
Recently I went to a trendy burger joint with a bunch of buddies for lunch. There were about six of us including two East Asians, a half Asian, a Hispanic guy, a Hispanic guy, and a token white guy. Looking at the menu, I decided I wanted to be daring and try the burger with the habanero pepper mayo. For those who don’t know, the habanero pepper is one of the spiciest on the planet, being thousands of times hotter than the jalapeno. But, I really wanted to try it. When the waitress came to take our orders, I was still unsure if I wanted to try the burger or not because it was after all habanero! But, I was thinking perhaps they took the flavor of habanero and infused it into this mayo to make it tasty but still edible.
So, it was my turn as she went around the table. She was a young Caucasian waitress in her early 20s.
“So, what do you want”, she asked.
“I want the burger with the habanero mayo on it. But, I’m a little worried. How spicy is the habanero mayo?” Her response was really unexpected, and very strange.
“You’re Asian, I’m sure you can handle it”, she said!
What??! I didn’t know what to say really, and even the non-Asians at the table were surprised. The weird thing was that I wasn’t angry, just confused. It’s not really a negative comment, you know? But, it’s not a true statement either since not all Asian countries eat super spicy food. Lots of Japanese food is very mild and sensitive, and they don’t eat many extremely hot foods. I would say most Chinese food is not spicy either. Perhaps she thought I was Korean? Or Thai? In any case, it was a dumb thing to say, and if I wanted to, I could’ve gotten her in big trouble with her managers by complaining.
But, I didn’t really care. I ate the burger with the habanero sauce, which was quite mild actually. It just had a little heat in the back, and that distinct habanero flavor. It was an average burger. My friends made more of a big deal about it than I did. “I can’t believe she said that”, exclaimed my Filipino friend. He repeated the story a few times later. It’s hard to believe some people create these mental stereotypes in their heads and actually believe them. But, it can happen to any of us, so you gotta stay on your guard, and keep your thoughts sharp.
Anything like this happened to you, SAM?
Related posts:
SAM,
Don’t get too offend by your experience. Just brush it off in the end as it was an off the cuff remark. I too have challenges some white guys online and real life on some stereotypes. This was a reaction as I too have gotten prejudge stereotype myself in my experience. Some stereotypical ethnics in our society exists in every ethnic, racial, cultural and religious group. I have gotten older and wiser and moved past that and pursue my goals in life. We got a lot more problems in our world like inflation, unemployment the economy and our mortality (life and death as the recent passing of Steve Jobs)
Oh, she could have said something worse. Trust me.
I believe stereotypes will stay around for a long time. Until people get to know individuals from other ethnic backgrounds they will have a broad and inaccurate ideas about other cultures. I had a similar experience but it was a woman I dated for a short time. I voiced my concern over a calculus test I had to take. She told me I shouldn’t worry since I should be good at math any way. I was not angry or upset but thought to myself, “Really? I should be good at math cause of what…” I knew she meant I was asian but no big deal.
HAHA, that’s a funny story. I think most Asians have been in that similar type of situation. It’s not incredibly offensive but it always catches you off guard. It’s a mix of incredulous, suprise, and shock. But luckily, the stereotype that “All Asians love spicy foods” is not that offensive. Though it’s not true. she’s just an ignorant white young (probably hot) chick who grew up in the same town all her life. young and dumb? who knows. but it could’ve been alot worse. But I guarantee you, if the roles were reversed and you said something stereotypical of white people to her, she may or may not have been offended or bothered by it. White people can dish it out but can’t take it!
I also don’t see much offensive in this situation you describe, and am usually hyper-sensitive to the smell of racists and their comments. But I don’t see her comment as anything more than something said without much thought. Perhaps it is surprising that she singled you out as asian, which is understandable, but there is a basis for her comment because some asian food is known to be spicy to white people. The others are correct though, she could easily have said something much worse. Personally, I’d let the comment go as just something said without much thought.
Sorry to be so late to the party but know that in the American racial minority you are not alone. I’m single black male but stumbled, thankfully, stumbled across this site to try and identify what stereotypes, bread from old school racism and now new school ignorance, there were that affect the Asian-American community. Personally I’m working on a project that addresses these stereotypes in the form of an animation but it’s spurred in large part because of situations like the one you describe above.
While on the surface, and maybe in it’s intent, it is an innocent comment there’s an important sub-context that originated from a more sinister place. In the past four years I’ve noticed a marked uptick in what I now refer to as my, “Odyssey of Ignorance.” The most recent that have forced to, like yourselves, speak out about this problem are one where a seventeen year old white boy that I see daily tried to tell me that, “Your hair isn’t normal; it’s more like fur,” and referring to me as Dred Scott, the slave who went to Supreme Court in a case for his freedom where it was decided that he wasn’t an American citizen and merely merchandise to be bought and sold for profit.
The younger generations of white children that have grown up in a multi-cultural American society might not be racists themselves but the ideas, and opinions, of their parents, grandparents and great-grandparents have been passed along without a seconds thought as to their origin or truth. While the young lady might not have meant any harm by her comment that, “You’re Asian, I’m sure you can handle it,” the fact remains that as a human your ability to tolerate spicy foods is defined by your cultural heritage. It goes to show that there is much work left to be done.
Thanks again for your insight and openness about the world through your eyes.
I just noticed my first line poked fun at yet another stereotypes…can’t catch a break!
@ Matthew,
Hey, man. Thanks for writing. I think after all these years, you’re one of the only African American guys who have written on this site! It’s ironic since I think as fellow minorities in America, we have a lot in common. This year, I made a good friend at work who is Mexican American, and it was really interesting to realize that we shared lots of common trials as minorities.
Anyways, lately I’ve been reading up on what older Japanese Americans went through before and during WWII. It’s fascinating and new to me since I’m a new Nisei, meaning my parents immigrated here in the 70s, well past the hard times. There’s this great site that chronicles the lives of Japanese Americans during the war, and they had an article that, though not super detailed, shows how the Japanese Americans were working along with African Americans during the Civil Rights Movement:
http://www.densho.org/archive/default.asp?path=fromthearchive.asp
I think African Americans have fought hard, and earned their equality, but Asian Americans haven’t been successful. I think African Americans were successful because they had the numbers, the long history in the US, no language barrier, and a sense of unity. Asian Americans are comprised of people from several different Asian countries who have different beliefs, languages, a lot of national pride, and often hate or rivalry towards other Asian countries. We can’t seem to work together so well. I think if we all united, we could do something, but as it stands, there is more infighting that there is unity. I think that many Asians are raised to not be outspoken as well, which prevents activism.
I think many Asians are delusional and think we have equality, but I personally don’t see it that way. There’s a lot of work needed like you were saying. Asian men are constantly ridiculed by American white media, and I’m starting to think it’s just left over from the older generation who were Jap-haters, I really do. I think that’s where it all started. Of course, the Asian ladies get better treatment because white guys will have sex with anyone that looks good.
I’d love to hear your perspective as an African American guy. I know you guys go through a lot, but don’t you feel that with the prominence of blacks in sports and entertainment and office, that you have equality? I’m guessing many blacks still have economic challenges due to subpar education in some places. What’s your take, Matthew? – REF
“You’re Asian, I’m sure you can handle it”, just means it’s not that spicy, which turns out to true. Conversely, whenever I say “It’s really not that spicy.”, people usually proceed with causing, for good reason too. But then I am from Hunan…. We put red pepper in rice and had red pepper candy as kids.
I meant caution instead of causing, btw
I read an essay written in 1925 by Dr. Alain Locke, speaking of Harlem, wrote that the American Negro culture was a culture, “…of a common condition rather than a common consciousness; a problem in common, rather than a life in common.” Meaning to say that given their new proximity in Harlem, and other major cities across the United States, the shared climate of prejudice and hate bred a certain unity amongst individuals that might not have existed otherwise.
There won’t be true freedom and equality for everyone in this country until we see each other as individual human beings and can choose whatever path, good or bad, that they wish.
As for Asian men unless all are sushi chefs, kick-ass martial artists or drive a tricked out Honda you guys are getting hosed as well. And African-Americans in sports and entertainment as humans our success shouldn’t be tied to how we showoff in the spotlight. Yes it’s good that the struggle and battles of the many individuals to force the issue of integration. Even then they aren’t recognized for their achievements until far later than the time they pioneered.
My mom was telling me about a boy who told her that while he is running track in Arizona his goal is to become an orthodontist. Not to be a major presence on the track but to be able to fix people’s teeth. Sports and entertainment shouldn’t be the bars that represent the promised land for minorities. That’s a limit to what we as individuals based on ill-conceived notions of who we are and what we can contribute. A limit that should never have existed in the first place.
A little Chris Rock discuss this further http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q1XU07BIO0 (this is from a series called “The Black List Project”, near the end he speaks on this topic.)
Definitely not something I would have said.
But I thought I might contribute from the mind of a dumb white guy.
She’s a waitress, working in hospitality all day long. She’s going to have made the stereotypes in her head from her experience – not from who has told her what – or what you read in books/movies/etc.
I used to work in hospitality in Canada and would treat people the same at first. After I while you pick things up. The Chinese generally order tea or water more commonly than other groups, and if water – always with lemon. Or hot water with lemon or whatever. I’m not sure whether it was because it was free or cheaper and they were being sensible with their cash – or lemon is just something they commonly put in their water – and prefer that to say… a bottomless root beer or whatever.
White guys from the south of the states would generally ask for unsweetened ice tea. (We didn’t have unsweetened ice tea so it was always disappointing for them).
Indians/Sri Lankans/Pakistanis/Bangladeshi would often order the hottest thing, then when I checked on them they’d ask for Tabasco sauce and chili flakes, because it wasn’t hot enough.
After a year or so (I’m a slow learner) I’d start preempting these kinds of things to try and save time. It was always really really busy and I was run off my feet most nights.
When approaching a Indian etc.. table I’d suggest a spicy dish, and I’d automatically bring spice to the table so they could add their own if they wanted to. (So I wasn’t constantly going back and forward from the kitchen)
I’d ask the really fat guys if they’d like me to bring a jug of soft drink (soda) out rather than to keep filling up their bottomless cups (you got a be a bit careful there to not offend the fatties).
If I saw an English (from England) or German table – I’d give them shit service as a rule (because they never tip. They don’t tip in their cultures.)
And yeah… for the Chinese – rounds of water, hot water, tea and always with lemon. That’s what I’d offer them because I kept getting asked for that shit every single goddamn day.
Everyone judges people every day (whether consciously or not).
If you work as a server in hospitality – it makes you better at your job to judge people.
(The police can probably spot a crack head from a fair distance.)
Lastly. The food you get in American restaurants just isn’t spicy. Fullstop (period). Kids eat whitebread and hot dogs. Oh my god I’ve never seen such fussy kids before. “No I don’t eat vegetables”. If I said that to my parents I wouldn’t have eaten for a week. After that I’d be force-fed a massive bowl of vegetables, and to be told to look like I was enjoying it.
Of course you’re right about the different food in the different countries of Asia. But do you think Americans can tell the difference? Generic Asian face. Generic Asian food. I can mostly tell the difference – but only because I grew up in the region. (Australia). Vietnamese was the largest ethnicity at my school, followed by Mandarin speakers, then by naturalised Australians. I learnt Mandarin for three years. Our former prime minister spoke fluent Mandarin. And this is a white guy majority country.
She was wrong to say it – but maybe not to think it.
What if she had said: “Well it’s not as spicy as something you’d get at an Asian restaurant.”
She’s still be acknowledging your asian-looking-ness right?
Anyway. Enjoyable read. Keep up the good work!
Dave
@Dave
Thanks for the long and thoughtful writeup on your experiences as a server. And, thank you for not getting defensive as a Caucasian guy. It makes sense that you would cater towards your customer’s needs in hospitality, and I’m sure many people were grateful for it. So long as people are respectful and understanding towards the cultural differences, that’s cool.
To answer your question, no I don’t think most Americans know the differences amongst the Asian cultures. Many Americans are raised to believe that their country is the best in the world, and I think that conceit sort of kills the curiosity towards other cultures and people. It makes people lazy, and they won’t put in the effort to learn about other countries. If they can’t understand what a foreigner says, they blame them for it and say ‘learn English this is America!’Of course, this is not all Americans, but it’s pretty common.
Racial profiling happens sometimes, even if you are intelligent and mean well. I think this waitress of mine was just ignorant, but even I messed up recently. I started a job at a new place, and there was a shorter brown skinned guy with the family name Fernandez. So, we were talking and I inferred that he was Hispanic. He’s a pretty straightforward guy, and said “I’m not Hispanic!” He wasn’t mad at all, but wanted to clarify that his mom was from India, and his dad met her in England though his roots were from Spain. See, that was what you call a tough one!
But, I was wrong to infer anything. That’s a big lesson I learned recently; don’t assume anything. If you don’t know for sure, ask. If I asked the guy where he was from, then I would’ve saved myself the embarrassment. Just ask in a non-inferring way.
Recently a coworker’s wife confused me for another coworker’s husband who happens to be Asian as well. She’s a teacher with lots of Asian friends, but even she fucked up. She totally felt embarrassed about it, and I told her not to worry about it. But, it happened. It’s important to be forgiving, especially when everybody messes up once in awhile.
Yes, it did. But i tried to play it off to try to sleep with her. You see, I’m always looking for opportunities to sleep with women. So you need lay off the touchy and bring on the flirty.
She: You’re asian, I’m sure you can take it.
You: How did you guess I’m asian. What gave it away?
*said correctly with the right facial expression she will flirt back. Trust me on this. White girls are like that.*
She: blah blah
You: So, what’s your name again.
She: Denise
You: So denise! you seem pretty confident that I can do the habanero sauce.
She: blah blah
You: Do what is it about me that inspires such confidence in you?
*said correctly she will start blushing. She will be thinking, Wow that Asian guy was so cool and confident. I wonder what it will feel like with him inside me*
Just roll with it my man. Channel your grievance into a sex drive. A drive to have sex with white girls. Don’t you think white girls deserve better than white guys? I thought so! So be compassionate and learn how to flirt and seduce. Game on!