Many Asian parents start pressuring their kids to get married once they become adults. They say they want to see their grandchildren sooner rather than later. They start to get worried if you are getting up there in age, meaning age 25! They are afraid you’re going to hit your expiration date, and that nobody will love you like a box of curdled milk. They start trying to set you up with their friend’s friend’s daughters, like the girl that works at the teriyaki shop who looks like Margaret Cho. Meanwhile, you’re having a hard time because you never dated or developed your courting SKILLZ since these same parents locked you up in a room until you graduated and made you study without any sort of romance. What the hell?! Totally raised to fail.
The weird thing is that many Asian kids actually get brainwashed in the process, and really feel that they NEED to get married in order to be happy. Some Asians really feel that once they get married, everything will be great, so they often rush marriage and marry the first person they can. Others just want to get their parents off their back. I know even the most independent of single Asians hears their mom’s critical voice in the back of their heads, telling them they are a failure for not being married. It really nags at them, and they feel bad at times.
The dating scene is hard, man. Back in the day in Asia, everybody was set up to get married. I mean, how the hell do you think your fugly parents and relatives got married? In this day and age, they wouldn’t stand a chance! These days, especially if you’re an Asian American, there isn’t that traditional system of arranged marriages. You’re on your own, competing against everybody else in the states in order to find your mate. Online dating makes things easier to make contact, but it’s still competitive. Asians are taught to be humble and self-deprecating, which isn’t a strategy that works in the states when it comes to dating.
I think when many Asian parents raise their kids, they make one big mistake in their calculations. They don’t realize that we can’t rely on the old school system of arranged marriages like they once did. Taking this for granted, Asian parents often push their kids so hard in academics that they haven’t developed any social skills, and although they might land a job after school, many don’t land love. Asians living in America have to compete with the white and black kids who were getting bad grades and chasing tail since elementary school. Asian parents get frustrated when their kids can’t get married, but it’s because they didn’t have enough foresight to develop their kids’ social skills.
In any case, SAMs, I will say as a married man, that marriage does not equal happiness. Marriage isn’t an end but a start, and once you become married, you have to deal with all sorts of responsibilities and challenges. You have to deal with supporting your spouse, feeding your kids, paying your mortgage, and maintaining a healthy relationship. If marriage did equal happiness, the divorce rate would be much lower than the 50 percent that it is at in the states. 50%!!! That means half the marriages fail. It’s really sad. And among the people who remain married, how many of them are truly happy? You hear about so many people complaining about their spouses. You hear about spouses that suddenly become mean once they are married. Be careful SAMs. Don’t get me wrong. I am happily married, but my point is that just because you are married you don’t arrive at a point of happiness that is eternal. There’s lots of work to keep a good relationship going, and there are bumpy times.
Being single has it’s challenges, but it also has it’s advantages, too. You can go anywhere you want, and you have nothing tying you down. You can date as many women as you want, and you can hang out with your buddies whenever you want. You can spend all your money on yourself. Enjoy it, guys and gals. The most important thing is to date lots of people and get a feel for what type of partner suits you. Plus, the more people you date, the more likely you will meet that special someone. It might be hard if you were raised by strict parents, but you’ll get the hang of it. It takes time, patience, and lots of practice.
And, don’t believe what your parents tell you. It is apparent that unlike the old days, not everybody is going to get married in this day and age. You see it around you already, I’m sure. You have relatives who aren’t married who have no prospects. You have siblings who are past their prime. You have single coworkers who are married to their pets. And, that’s the way it is, and that’s fine. It’s much harder these days to find quality partners, and if you haven’t found them, don’t sweat it. Your life is your own, and the path you walk is unique to you. You can find just as much happiness in other things like friendship, hobbies, and work.
- Unfriendly Asian American Parents
- SAMs: Marriage isn’t a cure all
- Marriage: One step at a time, SAM and SAFs
- Your Parents Raised You to be Single, SAM
- I hate it when non-Asians speak louder and slowly to your parents because they can’t speak English well
- Non-Asian Households: How the other half live