“I love Laura Smith but I can’t marry her”
This is so true. It’s one of the main reasons why there’s such a big disparity between the number of Asian woman-White man couples and Asian man-White woman couples. These days, Asian women are open to dating not just white men but Blacks, Latins, Mexicans, Middle Easterns, and little green aliens from outer space. But us Asian men…we prefer Asian women, generally speaking. Not all Asian men but alot. It’s just the way we are I guess. All around us, we see beautiful women from all walks of life – Brazilian, Jewish, Italian, Russian, Czech Republic, and California. But at the end of the day, we want Asian women. Sure, we’d like to sleep with anyone while we’re single, but for marriage purposes, we want Asian. The mother of our children and the woman that we will come to respect, honor, and love, she’s got to be Asian. I have heard of plenty of non-Asian women say, “we broke up because he wanted to marry only Asian.” Meanwhile, many Asian women are much more open to dating and marrying any non-Asians. I’ve heard many Asian men express that they prefer Asian women because of the cultural similarity and familiarity, that they just feel more comfortable with Asian women, and they don’t have to explain things if the women was Asian. I’ve heard they feel it’s important to have their children speak the native Asian language and to have common cultural values and beliefs. Do Asian women not care about these things? Do they just date or marry with whoever they fall in love with? Do they want their offsprings to be more white? Are these Asian women “selling out” to the white man? Are they ashamed or embarrassed or just don’t give a shit about their cultural, ethnic, and racial background and values? What’s up? Why the difference in thinking between Asian women and men? Do Asian women feel they can get along better with white men?
Related posts:
- Are SAMs intimidated by Black women?
- The reasons Asian women have told me why they won’t date SAM’s
- Marie Claire Trophy Wife Article causes lots of rage in women
- Asian women date them all – SAMs are left with…well…other SAMs
- What do you have to offer her, SAM?
- SAMs are intimidated by white women…
- Asian actresses I hate and the stupid reasons why
- Dating Out: Asian girl walks in with her WhiteZilla or BlackZilla man…all other Asians look, point, and scream.
- Myth or Fact? Asian men treat women poorly
@ Raven
You could look up Asian Caucasian Turf or Hey Ai. Tons of single Asian guys from all across the US and around the world too (Aussies and New Zealanders) I’ve met some pretty good looking latina/white chicks on there and the dudes are decent looking. The main problem is distance for those who have dated on the site, but I know several couples who got together/met up by flying or driving. Desparate times call for desparate measures lol..
S.S.,
The two girsl?
Its for me to know and for you to find out:)
@ k takaki, Lolz yeah i guess i am pretty desperate sounding lolz but it’s my fault because i want my dream guy already lolz
@ Vincent
Lmao bro you really know your shit. And you met Maggie Q?? Damn, bro, she is one sexy woman. But you are totally right. I usually psych myself out before even talking to a chick with the intent to ask out because they usually look at me like I’m some disgusting sub-human thing -> you know that eyes narrowed, frowning face they make? From that I can usually tell they don’t like Asian guys. I’ve never had a white/latina girl around here smile at me either, which is I believe usually the cue that she would be open to dating/being asked out. (front desk girls don’t count and the few Asian girls who hit on me don’t count either cause Asian chicks just aren’t my thing)
What also turns Asian guys off is when they ask a lot of girls and get turned down every time. Imagine if you asked out 50 good looking chicks and got turned down by every single one. By then, you would realize that the effort you are putting into asking/approaching is not worth the outcome (diminishing and/or zero returns). And I don’t know about some Asian guys but I have standards in terms of looks and intelligence. I wouldn’t go dating just any girl. I do my best to keep my body in top shape, groom myself, etc. I expect the girl to do the same, so being overweight or borderline obese or extremely skinny… you get the picture right? And if she has an unattractive face, then there really is no point. Also, she cannot be retarded or hooked on drugs. Those factors plus the tiny number of white/latina chicks who are interested in Asian men narrows the pool of available girls by A LOT. So even if it is a numbers game, out of 300 random chicks, I would only be attracted to maybe 80 and out of those 80, probably something like only 10 would be open to dating an Asian dude. Factor in personality differences, lifestyle differences, etc. and you end up with less than the number of fingers on one hand. That’s how it works when society, the system, and the media is working against you. Of course I could have no standards and go ask out an obese chick…. but why would I do that?
I think I’m decent looking for an Asian guy and pretty damn good looking if I grow out my hair and lost some of the face fat I put on. I think I deserve better than some random whale. The system/society might not think so, but I do. Fuck the system.
@Takakai,
Takakai said “Also I’m not into Asian chicks”
WTF! See ContraSAM, Self hate. He doesn’t even want to date asian, yet he complain about asian girls dating white men.
That doesn’t even make sense. Why are you complaining if your not interested in Asian girls.
Sounds like you suck with girls. So you complain. I’m not sure I want to help you anymore. You need to take an asian studies course, and learn about your history and who you are. I am sad of this now and also ashame that you don’t even like your own people. WTF!
@K Takaki
You know what is funny about my bf, he is so NOT a fob. He is the whitest person I know, as messed up as that sounds. And you are TOTALLY correct, his family is the high class model minority…My bf is the black sheep of his family who decided to NOT become a doctor(unlike everyone else, even his grandparents), which is why I think he feels the need to listen to his parents. This is also why we aren’t married, b/c both of us made bad choices and don’t feel we are financially well off enough to do so right now.
He and his siblings are first generation Americans, and I think this also contributes to his issues.
I know there are many different walks of Asians, just as there are many different walks of(any other)nationalities….And I know my bf’s expectations are WAY too high, but if we can get from “I care about you, but we can never date” to “I’m so happy to be celebrating our five year anniversary” I think there is hope.
I do truly love him, and even though we are both people who chose the wrong path to success, we do love each other enough to keep trying until we know it is definitely not going to happen OR we are planning a beautiful wedding-with lots of Chinese customs to honor his parents.
Or I’m a complete idiot who has fallen for a mean dude who is stringing me along….not that I believe I am being strung along.
@Vincent
To be honest I don’t even really think you have game. The girls who probably said yes to you after awhile we’re probably drunk at that time, or just annoyed that you kept asking them. =O
I know what I want, and I don’t want you.
@Rebekah
It does sound like a complicated matter. I really hope it works out for you in the end. For whatever reason though, you guys are together now, in this moment, and this moment is all that really matters.
Best of luck to you.
S.S.
@S.S.
Thanks! It IS a seriously complicated situation, but I do agree…we have what we have right now and we share an awesome love. If it works out, it will be a GREAT story for the kids….If not, we complete and compliment each other. We keep each other sane during crazy times and we make each other better people.
@K Takaki – what’s wrong with fat obese chicks or ‘whales’ as you mentioned? lol. They need love too – of course they also want burgers, fries, and a shake, but hey….aint nuttin wrong with a little bump n grind!
I see what you’re getting at. The numbers (statistics) are NOT in your favor. Especially since you seek Latino/White women. I know, it’s rough. I’ve dated very few Latino/Hispanics myself. Last two were Mexican-Americans. or Chicanos? But they were born here.
I’d say the best option for you, us, whoever is the online dating sites. Have you tried that?
@ Vincent
Lol yes I do kind of self hate. No I don’t give a shit if Asian women date white guys. They can suck as many white dicks as they want and do as many gang bangs as they want. I don’t own them and I don’t care lol. The only thing I’m pissed off about is how non-Asian chicks, especially white and latina chicks generally are not attracted to Asian dudes even when we try our best.
@ ControSAM
LOL yeah I’m part of AsianCaucasianTurf and Hey Ai. There were several pretty hot chicks who were interested in me/are interested, but location (being several states away or in Europe), different lifestyles, etc. are major issues. And I think most of the people who cam-chat on there aren’t too serious about dating -> just having fun talking to friends face to face through the internet.
By the way, white chick in the picture -> Laura Smith, whatever her name is. Cute as FUUAAARK!! Would definitely consider asking out on a romantic date.
@All,
I know clothes, style, attire all matter. It’s the first piece of advice I give to guys trying to get dates, asian or not – get a nice coat, nice pair of jeans (Not Gap or Wrangler), get a nice haircut, and get a nice pair of shoes. I see many SAMs dress like shit. They LOOK like engineers or computer science geeks. And these are the same SAMs who want a model girlfriend. give me a break.
I guess the question is….for single Asian men is that….what do YOU have to offer? I agree largely with Vincent in that apperance matters. Especially in the harsh world of singlehood – in the world of dating and being a bachelor. And doing things to make yourself look more attractive and appealing all count – working out, looking fit, looking well groomed, etc. I totally agree.
So unless you’re a celebrity (Rain), or extremely rich (Rain), or extremely good looking (Rain)….do what you need to do to make yourself look presentable. And then of course…you have to learn how to talk to women. which isn’t always easy. But looking good – clothes, muscles, etc….all can help to build your confidence.
@Raven – you’re young. you got lots of years ahead of you to find your dream Asian man
@K Takaki – don’t go to WSU. it’s crap there. I’d rather so much go to WWU. Bellingham is beautiful little town and you’re close to Vancouver and Seattle. trust me, Pullman sucks. it’s way out there….next to Idaho – the white supremacist capital of the world!
WWU is a great school. and you can go to vancouver easily where there are throngs of hot cute young single women. seriously, vancouver has so many women.
Why don’t you like Asian women by the way?
@ Vincent
By the way, there have been some Asian chicks I have been attracted to before.
But they are extremely rare and I’ve only seen one IRL who looked something like this chick
We would look very good together don’t you think?
http://lh3.ggpht.com/elaing.zhang/RuLnybNvLkI/AAAAAAAAC4U/fTCVotSFl88/s800/5059730_m_5059732_7622.jpg
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2wdqdjn&s=5
haha jk not about the hot asian girl though
@Rebekah
I do admire your tenacity and loyalty. I know dating an asian men can be challenging because of the complications that come with the culture, the guy’s parents, expectations, discrimination, etc. so hang in there. I know many white women who have dated Asian men but bailed because they got tired of all the complications. In fact, I’ve known many Asian women who have bailed on Asian men because of all the complications/drama from the guy’s mom/dad. It’s a big headache. I can totally see why some girls, asian or not, would just rather not deal with all that. So I give you credit for hanging in there and remaining positive.
Thanks ControSAM….I will hang on until my bf and I agree to marry/remain friends. I am willing to put up with anything if I have the right man, and I know this guy is great. Hopefully I don’t report back here in a few months to say it’s over.
I will definitely remain positive, he is a great guy!
@ ControSAM
Read my above post. I do like some Asian women. It’s just that most Asian women have extremely flat profiles/noses, very round faces and to me their faces just aren’t very symmetric and doesn’t look very feminine even if they have big eyes. I’m not sure what it is because I don’t think it has anything to do with being white-washed either, as I am not attracted to masculine looking white women and am not very attracted to blondes. I’ve always been attracted to the 5’3″-5’8″ white, latina, or half-Asian half-white girls with pretty eyes, a medium/narrow nose with a relatively high nose bridge, and small mouth/chin. Luana Kisner with extremely light to no makeup is probably the best example of the kind of chick I like.
http://imageshack.us/f/163/tumblrl6zetkpjyo1qzl911.jpg/
I believe that I may have a type of one-itis, which is part of my problem, as I only like certain kinds of girls. I think if you split girls into categories such as “cheerleaders, artistic types, nerds, girl next door, goths” the kind of chick I am attracted to is the “girl next door” type. It just so happens that most Asian women fall into “nerd” or “wannabe cheerleader” and many have facial aesthetics unappealing to me. Wide cheekbones/square face/moonface/square jaw with a flat/wide nose can work on Asian dudes like Yul Kwon who is pretty good looking no homo, but I find those characteristics to be very unattractive on women.
@K Takaki – what is “IRL”?
@All – So I’ve done a little online dating and the #1 thing the white girls say to me when we first meet is……hey, you’re tall for an Asian guy. This annoys me though. I’m 6ft and I’m lucky to be taller than the average asian guy I guess. but it still annoys me. It’s like, do you HAVE to say that? Why are they so compelled to say that? It’s a deragotory type of comment, don’t you think? that always turns me off. and I get that alot. It’s like saying to a black guy, “oh, you went to college?” or “oh, you’ve never been to jail?”. I mean, I know the white girls don’t mean to say it to be rude, but it annoys me still. Then I ask them, “so have you dated many short Asian guys?” and they reply, “No. But many Asian guys are short and I don’t want to feel like my man is the ‘woman’ in the relationship”.
Asian men out there – you all should try online dating and share your experiences….believe me, you’ll see the entire spectrum – the open minded white girls who are open to dating whatever. And the racist white girls who say “EWW, gross!” when they see an Asian guy. I’ve experienced it all.
@ ControSAM
IRL means in real life
Also tell me about it LOL. I get shafted a lot just cause I’m 5’6″ maybe even 5’7″ with shoes. They don’t give a shit that I can bench press them 20 + times. or deadlift them 50 times or scoop them off the floor without much a problem. NOO. They insist that since the Asian dude is shorter, they don’t feel protected. Even if the Asian guy has a blackbelt, has had many full contact bare knuckle no protective gear fights/fighting experience and has KOed several people before (taller than him). No we just don’t cut it. Even if the smartest thing to do in a fight is to de-escalate before the fight even starts and an even smarter thing is to learn to shoot a gun quickdraw and to get a license. Women talk about how they have progressed and are no longer living in the past but their mate selection is clearly still caveman era type selection -> who has the biggest dick for filling their holes, who is the strongest and most able to fight, who is the most physically indimidating. But even if the Asian dude can competently defend his woman despite shorter stature or even if the Asian dude is like ControSAM, very tall and muscular, the Asian dude still usually gets shafted/rejected. Maybe we should get the biggest (both in muscular size and dick size), tallest, strongest, most intelligent, and most skilled martial artist-man in the world and make clones of him and have him service all the women on earth. Every other guy in the world should just go home and jack off, for they are worthless and inferior compared to THE MAN.
Takaki ,
I would not go to WSU, bad idea. Small town is bad for anyone. Especially for a young man trying to meet woman or make friends.
Takaki, it doesn’t matter who you like, at least you know what kind of girl you like. I like that you have a goal.
I just hope you learn about your culture and your history in American history. Thats all.
@ Vincent
Yes I am well aware of how America enslaved Asians during the building of the transcontinental railroad, mostly Asians, and the effeminate shit sprung from the fact that the Chinese men had to do their own laundry, cook, etc. because Chinese women were not allowed to immigrate or only allowed to immigrate in very small numbers and of course they looked weird as hell to whites who had never before seen an Asian. Then in the early 1900s late 1800s, there was the whole dividing of China, fucking up of China by the European powers and then Japan defeating Russia in the Russo-Japanese war, which clearly showed the West that the East had not yet been completely destroyed/taken over my Western Imperialism. So in WWII, the American Empire made it a point to drop the nuclear bombs on Japan instead of Germany because 1. they were dirty subhuman bucktoothed, chink eyed japs and 2. they wanted to make all of Asia their BITCH for fucking up the ass, as they didn’t like the fact that an Asian country (Japan) could rise up to challenge the western empires (America, Britain, Russia, Germany, France, etc.) Too bad Japan was too stupid and fought the other Asian countries instead of trying to form a solid Asian-Asian alliance against weestern imperialism.
And don’t forget how they sent basically all Japanese Americans and even some other Asian Americans into concentration camps to starve and live in squalor while their Nisei sons fought bravely for America and became the most decorated miiltary regiment in US history. But nobody gave a shit about the 442nd and nobody does now. Next came the Korean and Vietnam wars in which during occupation (of Korea) and duing the Vietnam war, US servicemen would get sucky sucky long time from Korean and Vietnamese (and other Asian whores), thus beginning the Asian slut stereotype that still lasts until the present day. And also where the white men got their sense of entitlement to fuck whatever Asian women they want (and Asian women also being willing to be their bitches).
Oh oh and don’t forget the Vincent Chin incident in which it has become legal to beat up and kill a man of Asian descent for fun in the USA. And then of course all the anti-Asian male protrayals throughout most of American history (The Slanted Screen covers that). And here we are today, with Asian men despised or laughed at by most, having issues with women, downward mobilization of most recent 2nd generation of Asian men, etc. Yes I am well aware of the kind of shit that happened. But what can we do? You have to realize we lost a long time ago. When Japan lost in WWII, the Asian man basically lost his manhood. Now even when we fight back we still have to fight back on the west’s terms, the west’s rules. But that’s the way things are and you can’t do shit about it. None of us can. Too bad eh?
@ Takaki:
Wow, are you negative. And obnoxious. Maybe that is why you have such a hard time getting women… it could be your personality, having nothing to do with your being Asian. Ever think of that? While I agree with some of your comments and believe you to be rather intelligent, you come across as extremely harsh. Maybe you’re just having a bad hair day.
@ ControSAM:
Region has a lot to do with availability. Where I live there is a fairly large Asian community, but as was mentioned somewhere above, they are usually close-knit. So instead of playing the waiting game, I need to be slightly more aggressive. If I see an Asian man I would like to meet I try to initiate eye contact. I prefer him to make the move but I am not afraid to approach. I am not the submissive type and if he happens to be intimidated by that, I wouldn’t be interested in him anyway.
@ Rebekah:
It is hard when you have a BF with traditional/conservative parents. If he’s been with you this long though, he must really care. I hope it all works out in the end… best of luck to you!
@ Takaki:
When i mean your asian history, I mean the postive one. How Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, and korean contributed to America. Not the dark racist history.
Thou everything you say is true. But I rather you focus on the positive side of being asian.
Being positive and looking for the good in things can be nice.
To Anonymous Girl,
I think that guy K Takaki probably just had a hard time throughout his life because of racism and there is a lot of anger in him. I sense a lot of anger that seems to be bottled up. That is probab why he is posting on here. Because he has nobody to talk to about this in real life. His negative attitude probably developed because of his traumatic experiences. I for one also experienced a lot of traumatic racist events in my life and I know the feeling. Some of my friends did too. Some of them developed the same kind of dark thinking as Takaki. I do not think this amount of anger would be just from personality because I have seen relatively normal people completely transform in a negative way after experiencing continuous traumatic or .. what is the word disheartening inicidents. And he probably does not talk about this stuff to people in real life or else he would not be writing here. His troubles with women may or may not have to do with it but I think he said he has never actually been in a relationship earlier so. Maybe he is just not happy that the “dating arena” he is about to step into is completely against him.
@ Abe:
Understandable… maybe I should have been more sensitive. Although I have been a passive reader of this Blog for about a year I am only now learning the personalities of regular posters and I believe you have correctly identified Takaki as a dark thinker. That will probably make most women shy away from him… that, and his lack of confidence.
I am not trying to play psychologist here, but if he wants a GF, the best thing to do is not be ashamed of who you are. There are many white females out there like me who adore Asian men. From what I gather, he feels he got the short end of the stick from the gene pool. Keep in mind though, not all females are 5’10 and looking for an equal in stature. I am 5’3 on a good day but don’t let it bother me… people tell me I am a firecracker and cute as hell.
I like the way Vincent puts it:
“…the thing with every SAM Is the self hate and lack of confidence. They always know they weakness, but they never appreciate there strengths. The strength of SAM is, he is a successfull man, that is something to be proud of. More importantly, if Asian girls are exotic, than asian man are exotic. It goes both ways. If white girls are not. So are white guys to asian girls. Get it. The problem with Asian dudes, are they do not particpate and take action. They are not at the club, there at the local arcade. If you take particpate and be apart of the game. How can you expect to get the girl. Asian girls are at the clubs. Asian guys are not. Asian guys are not in the game.
Do you know why I am good with white girls/asian girls. Because I don’t give fuck what they think. I live in my reality not in some bitch reality. When I roll up, I tell the girls, what is up. They don’t tell me. Thats confidence. You have to have balls of steel. My advice to you. Stop with the self hate. And appreciate your beauty and culture. Asian guys are hot. I always believe that. I don’t know why you guys don’t believe that.”
@ k takaki, Your so awesome thank you for telling me about those sites i created them a few hours ago and got 23 requests! All Attractive Young SAMs! Your the koolest! ^_^
@ ControSAM, Yes, I am young but i’m more mature than others my age and i really want to settle down already and just be happy, I had to grow up way to fast when i was still very young. But after earlier i now have alot more confidence and i’m actually excited again, i cant remember the last time i was excited about something ^_^
@ Anonymous Poster Girl
LOL You and Vincent keep saying how you think I lack confidence and that personality is a problem. I don’t really think so, as I’ve never really asked girls out on dates face to face so I have no idea whether or not I am good with girls. I think I’m just unlucky in the sense that any of the girls around here I have liked have already been taken and I have very specific taste. But I can tell you that I would have no problem chatting you up if I met you in real life. You’re just another girl. Nothing special. Confidence? If the girl doesn’t like me, she doesn’t like me and probably isn’t worth my time. Like I really give a shit. The only thing I really give a shit about is the fairness of it all -> how even the best/better Asian men start at -1000 compared to the rest of the races who probably start at + something or another (white is 0 to +1000 depending on what ethnicity chick he (the white dude) pursues, the +1000 is for when he pursues Asian women). But I realize that life isn’t fair, so whatever.
If I had a personality problem I would not know 80% of the regular gym goers at my gym (yes that includes some hot milfs who are 10-20 years older than me and one very hot greek lady too bad she is married), got invited to one of their parties, etc. If I talked about all this stuff openly in public, obviously I would get eye-rolls and whatnot like in high school when I was stupid enough to bring up topics about racism….. Like Abe said. That’s why I am posting those thoughts on a blog that is related to the subject.
And he’s right about several racist, traumatic events shaping many of my younger years. Believe it or not, the whole rant about the west and whatnot was how I used to be. I used to loathe white people and lament the failure of Asians. But then again I grew up with/around mostly white people so it is kind of like a love-hate relationship. Anyways I try not to think of that stuff on a regular basis and reserve my anger for when I am training martial arts or lifting. You saw that angry shit yesterday because yes it was a “bad hair day” and Vincent’s question kind of provoked my anger, though it seems like bad hair days happen very often in my life. Maybe I am negative. Maybe I am a bit of a perfectionist which results in negativity (in terms of how I was talking about women’s expectations vs. my height and crappy genes vs. my own expectations of myself). What’s so bad about comparing yourself to the better/best of the best athletes and martial artists out there? It drives me to improve myself even more. Drives my determination never to give up in face of insurmountable odds. Yeah I do a shit load of complaining (online) but I think that the complaining is justified. And I don’t just complain. I get out there and do my best to improve myself (such as achieving a 400 lb deadlift, 230 lb bench at small size and relatively light weight) and KOing 2 people out of my 4 official full contact bare knuckle fights. Yeah I do this stuff to prove a point maybe to myself and the world and I would rather die trying than to never have tried at all. The world doesn’t give a shit that an Asian guy is trying to “prove a point” but I sure as hell do and I am sure some of my Asian brothers do too, especially because some of the younger generation have few enough “macho” Asian rolemodels to look up to.
But I also enjoy doing these things. It brings a little excitement to a dull world/life. Nothing wrong with it. I just wish that chicks would appreciate the talents and efforts of Asian men a little more, especially because our dating pool is so small already.
K Takaki,
You just said that you don’t talk to girls in real life. Only online and than you enroll at WSU. That sounds like a winning recipe.
@ Takaki
I was. Thinking. The same thing as Vincent. You can’t complain unless you’ve tried. Same way as you never failed unless you really tried. And you haven’t failed because you never really tried. Make sense?
@ Vincent
I do talk to some girls in real life. I’m just not interested in them. And the ones I am interested in already have BFs (or later I see some dude walk up to them and they start kissing). Also, most of the girls I see in public aren’t even part of my generation. Does that make sense? I’m waiting until I get back to uni to actually start talking (asking them on dates and not just general conversation) to girls because right now it would be awkward as hell to just randomly go up to some girl in the mall, gym, bookstore, etc. and start talking to them and find out they are 8-10 years older than I am. You get my drift? Some dudes can just roll up to random chicks and start chatting. Those are usually older guys like 25+ (I’m barely 20) who already have solid jobs, established life, etc. I’m not even finished with college. If you want to be successful I think you need common ground such as both being students or whatever. Going after random girls you see in the gym or bookstore or whatever is like covering your eyes with a cloth and trying to hunt deer with a bow and arrow in an expansive, dark forest. Even at uni, I can’t count how many times I start talking to a girl at the gym and find out she is actually a grad student 6 years older than I am. I usually don’t mind if a girl is older, but over 5 years is pushing it. Also, picking the right kind of place to approach women is important and at/in college is the best place. I’m not back in college yet so that’s why I’m waiting until I go back. They also say it is way easier to meet people in college because the girls are still relatively “inexperienced” as in they are still looking as opposed to having already had 10 bfs.
@S.S.
I don’t want to reiterate but like I said I am complaining because it is obvious that Asian men are disadvantaged. I am not getting as angry about my personal experiences as much as I am getting angry about the stories I have heard from other Asian guys who deal with this crap. And part of the reason I did not ask girls out in the past was because 1. I was still a skinny-ass nerd 1.5 years ago and would not have been taken seriously 2. I once had a crush on a chick but one of my buddies told me he overheard her and several of her friends saying that they don’t date Asian dudes/laughing at Asian dudes. So if you already know that your target is anti-Asian, taken, or of a different generation, what’s the point in asking?
Hey Takaki,
A change in environment will help, but do you think UW will be the change you’re looking for?
@ Takaki:
When I first started reading this Blog it kind of pissed me off… SAM’s talking about white-racist attitudes and how they are mistreated… but it had a sinister undertone of itself being racist. I felt torn. I want to say that I understood but I know I truly didn’t. The Asian men I have dated treat me so beautifully that I have no desire to ever be with a white man. Does that mean I self-hate? I don’t think so… because I am proud of who I am… I just happen to be attracted to Asian men. And the Asian men I know are proud of their lineage… they just happen to be attracted to white women.
Growing up, I was pretty much the only white girl in my neighborhood so I never saw any of my Asian friends being treated poorly. Only now that I am older and my small world has exploded, I am seeing what SAM’s are going through… and I hate it.
I get that you went through some trauma when you were younger, but there aren’t xenophobes lurking around every corner… just try and let go of some of that negativity and I bet you will have your fair share of dates. Two things that turn me on the most are confidence and intelligence and any girl that is genuine will tell you the same thing.
@ S.S.
I’m not sure about WSU. I hear there are a lot of close minded folks there but I am not sure that I can get a transfer to UW even coming from a university like Duke. And UW does not have the major I am interested in (Sports Medicine). UW also does not have a Kyokushin Karate dojo on campus, like WSU has. UW also does not have as awesome of a gym. And UW does not have as many hot white chicks (which WSU is supposedly famous for). Also a lot of my buddies (white buddies) from the gym and just people I know are going to WSU. I was actually very interested in going to Bellingham for WWU and I may still be able to because I believe I can try out WSU for a semester and still transfer. Anyways the point is I like the smaller-town/medium town feel. I have always hated big cities and need fresh air to feel good due to severe allergies. Thats another reason I didn’t/don’t want to go to UW.
@ Anonymous Poster Girl
True SAM is kind of racist against whites. Some material obviously racist against whites. I can imagine what it would be like being a white dude reading this stuff and thinking “man these stupid Asian guys complain a lot.” There is some stuff on here I may not agree with because some of the material seems to be talking about FOB Asian men, whom, in my opinion, should obviously have issues dating American chicks or white chicks of another culture. But the stuff about Asian American men (and Asian American women) are largely true even if painful to read.
Being proud of one’s lineage is important, yes. But when you are on the side of the “losing team” there isn’t much to be proud of. For example, my grandfather was in the Japanese Imperial Army as a medic and I think a lot of Chinese and Koreans would hate me just because my grandfather fought for Japan. And of course other Americans would call him a “dirty jap.” He fought bravely and honorably, but his team ultimately “lost.” So while there is a lot to be proud of, aside from upbringing, there is a lot of history that Asians are ashamed of. So instead of the pain that you feel when your favorite football team loses, imagine what it is like when your dad or uncle or whoever went to war but the country lost and they came back as “losers.” And to make things worse, the winner/enemy are fucking your sister, mom, aunts, cousins, etc. left and right and the women of your “people” are willingly being fucked. Another example would be the humiliation of China beginning in the 1800s and lasting until after WWII, mostly by ‘western’ countries, and even right before the 08 Olympics, you could see all the anti-Asian anti-Chinese hate in the news. I’m not Chinese, but I can understand the indignation many Chinese felt because of the way the world seemed so against them. That kind of hate is disturbing. Asian women usually don’t experience this stuff because #1 they have vaginas and the white man likes to fuck their vaginas, so they are rarely attacked verbally or physically #2 they usually do not have much Asian pride.
I myself am often times torn because I love America, I was born here, raised here, and this is my culture/country and I wouldn’t mind dying to protect its ideals about freedom and democracy, yet I cannot escape the fact that I am an Asian male and thus will always be treated differently, especially because the media and popular culture are largely against us. I hate the western imperialism of recent history and I hate how Asian women represent the de-emasculation of Asian men and usually prefer white over Asian (even though I am not interested in/borderline-dislike Asian women, I do understand the pain felt by Asian men who do like Asian women). And I hate the racism whites often inflict on Asians despite the fact that Asians usually treat white people very well (and often like kings in Asia). But then the few best friends and buddies I have ever had were/are all white and I like white/latina women because something about their looks/personalities attract me. You see my dilemma? Everything would be easier if I were not an Asian guy but I am and there is a part of me that is indignant and proud to be Asian.
Anyways writing this crap out has been very cathartic and hopefully it helps some people understand what it is like to be an Asian American male (at least from my point of view).
——
I bet you grew up in California or in a big city like New York, huh? Because yes, usually when Asians are highly concentrated in an area they experience less traditional forms of racism, but there is a lot more inter-ethnic hate (Koreans vs. Japanese, Chinese vs Japanese, Chinese vs. Korean, Chinese vs. Taiwanese, Vietnamewe vs. Chinese, etc.) Part of the reason my family moved away from high Asian population areas is because of the intense competition and stress that comes with living in those kinds of areas and the Asian confucian culture/way of life is not very appealing to me anyways… with the exception of the martial arts, as that is a part of Asian culture I will always be proud of no matter what.
I dont’ think I will ever be able to let go of the negativity, but I usually bury it somewhere where it would take me a while to find. Generally I try not to think about this stuff. I think reading some psychiatric study http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2906828/ on Asian men was what drove me to visit this site and start ranting. Lol. My personality type is INFP, so I am somewhat of a dreamer and thus when I see how crappy a state the world is in (for Asian men), I feel indignant and sad that it has to be this way. That’s why I write a lot of stuff encouraging Asian brothers to fight back even if it looks like we will never win. And I also encourage younger Asian dudes I see at the gym to stick with it and become more “tradtionally masculine” and help them out with their workout routines or diet because I do care about my Asian brothers. Better to die with a sword in hand than to turn tail and run away is how I would put it.
@ Takaki,
Hey, I’m also an INFP, and I’m a double 1. So that makes me a creative dreamer who wants to change things. =) it’s more complicated than it sounds lol.
I didn’t mean UW I meant WSU or whatever you call it. So many colleges. I can’t keep them straight sometimes sorry. Do you think you’ll be happy there? Would you feel less like you got the short end of the stick if you had a girlfriend?
Also why do you have to talk so crass? You can make your opinion across without being so vulgar. It’s
K Takaki,
In order to be successful in life you cannot allow people to put limit on yourself, especially the media or society. It seems you also put additional limits on yourself.
I don’t think you will be successful in finding happiness. You seem to be affected by the media heavily and you play right into there hands.
I can spend a lifetime telling you how awesome you are. You will find an excuse or create resistance. I have a friend who is korean. He is a lawyer and single at 26, never had a girlfriend. He is in great shape, worksout 5 times a week, is 6ft. He always reference to me how asian men are inferior to whites. I told him to stfu, and we don’t hang anymore, I told him I was tired of his negativity and bS and excuses.
Takakai he is still single and lame! there is a reason. Everything you write reference that Asian are second class.
All I have to say is look at RAIN. And I can tell you from my own experience, Ive dated models. Because I believe in that Asian are the best. Your attitude is really negative. Until that change you will keep putting alot of undue limits on your life.
@ S. S
Awesome! I was always under the impression that INFPs are not that common, though according to some polls more common on the internet.
Do I think I will be happy there? More happy than my old university most likely. We’ll see. Would I feel less like I got the short end of the stick? Maybe but the media is still largely against us and I would still care a lot about those issues and how it affects other Asian men/youth.
Crass? I do swear like a sailor. That is very true. Not sure where I picked that up. Most of my buddies swear as much if not more than I do. Maybe that’s where it is from. What’s wrong with honest expression? I do apologize, however if your eyes have been hurt by the words I have types out.
@ Takaki:
I must admit that the first time I was out in public holding hands with an Asian man I was taken aback by some of the comments made… by white men. It angered me because I don’t see how or why it affected them. Did they feel the same as a SAM, with AF dating outside their race, that I was a traitor to my own race? Since some of the comments had a sexual connotation to it, I am going to bet “yes”. Some of the stereotypes on SAM’s piss me off because in my experience, I have found none of them to be true. So what do I do? When confronted, all I can do is say my peace… and hopefully when that person walks away, I have them thinking about what they’ve said.
Vincent is right, Takaki… you’ve let the media grab a hold of you and it is twisting your arm. Be proud of who you are… a healthy, educated, attractive SAM… with great hair.
@ Takaki,
That’s nice that you would still care even if the situation didn’t pertain to you. Wy don’t you get involved in politics then, and make a better change? It’s just something to think about.
It’s not you swearing that makes me cringe, lol, trust me. It’s some of the other words you choose such as: girls have vaginas so it’s different, dicks to fill their holes, suck a white guy’s dick etc…
It makes it sound like you don’t have respect for women, and that you just see them as play toys, and that you’re angry because you’re not getting any. I know that’s not the case, but your choice of words can make it seem that way…
Sure, Asian women don’t face the same challenges as Asian men in today’s American society, but they do still face challenges, and are stereotyped also. I’ve known a few cases where Asian women were approached specifically because the guy thought they would be submissive and subservient. Asian women do face some challenges to in society and in the dating world.
One of my good friends is Asian and she dated and married a white guy. Part of the reason why she ended up being with somebody non-Asian is because she didn’t want somebody who resembled her father. So, sometimes the reason behind why Asian girls date White guys is more complicated and individualized than what we might first think.
As for all your anger about being judged unfairly well…that’s America for you. Did you know I went around asking my friends what the difference between a Muslim and an Arab was, and only one or two persons had the right answer. Yet, when you ask them about the unrest in the Middle East they’re full of opinions on something that they basically know next to nothing about. America is full of ignorant, idiotic, discriminating, judgemental people. It’s not as open minded as a people and part of that I blame on America being isolated from the rest of the world, and the rest I blame on the people being uneducated, and lacking the ambition to educate themselves, and of course, our educational system.
People here are judgemental and they stereotype. Depending on where you go it either gets worse or it gets better. I really hope WSU works out for you, but if it doesn’t than there are thousands of other universities and other places to try. Where are you living right now?
S.S.
@K Tataki
LOL. Just to clarify – I’m not muscular. I mean, I’m more lean but not a meathead or buff. Just sayin
So I understand your frustration and predicament. Women in general are confusing and contradictory. They usually say they want this or they want that, but what they usually end up with is not even close to what they said they wanted. It’s not so much what the guy is in real life/actual…it’s more how they portray themselves to the women. So you can no doubt kick a taller guy’s ass up and down the street even though you’re shorter. But what the girls care about is the appearance…of the guy and if he appears to be tough and TALL, they don’t care – they want that guy. even though….his tall ass can get his ass kicked by you, for example. It’s all about looks, appearance, and perception. Their perception is their reality and their perception usually dictates what they think they want/like. It’s natural for most people. Maybe this portion is more closely tied to the other post on Asian and bullying?
http://www.singleasianmale.com/2011/11/asian-americans-bullied-the-most-in-the-us-how-to-fight-back/
@ K Takaki
Wow, you know your AA history – nice job man. That’s important to know. Most don’t know. Regarding the Korean and Vietnam War and how it was the start of “Asian whores” and them givng up themselves to white soldiers and white guys in general – I totally agree – This is partially where the white entitlement comes from AND also where Asian women who are fascinated, enthralled, and mesmierzed by Western men, culture, and etc. Of course the way you phrased it was more direct
It’s easy to think we can’t do much about things – but we can! Date a lot and have alot of sex with many women as possible – Asian or white or whatever. ok, i’m kidding. well, half kidding. yes, I agree – it’s a uphill battle. But we just have to go there and be fierce! ok, that was bad. cheesy
@Anonymous Poster Girl
right K Takaki? LOL.
I don’t think Takaki is being negative, per se. but he’s being realistic. He’s only a product of his experiences and environment and his experiences happen to b a bit negative or less than desirable. Some of us are lucky and some of us have had to put up with alot of bullshit. Whether it’s a job, relationships, girls, whatever. I know many Asian men like Takaki, in terms of their shared experiences with dating, being single, women, etc. It’s not an isolated thing – and it’s too easy to just brush him and say he’s just bitter. I’ts much more complicated than that. I guarantee you if K Takaki got laid by 3 white/asian hot girls tonite, his pespective may change a little to a more positive one
He’s just frustrated and I give him credit to being open, direct, and straightforward – uncensored. He says what many Asian guys thikn/feel for a long time. And it’s weird…when Asian men speak their mind, others, including other Asians, feel uncomfortable about it. I think many Asians think it’s bad only for others but things are fine with them.
Are you white? And you like Asian men?
The anger that gets built up over time did not start or come from out of nowhere. It was becuase of the unique and negative experiences an Asian male has gone through. And if it’s too much, one can easily get bitter or resentful. Plus, the media and the way the portray Asian men doesn’t help. And when the media does this, lots of people buy into it – so it’s a vicious neverending loop/cycle.
I totally agree with Abe – good thoughts man! And yes, it’s so true that most Asian men who have similar frustrations do not have anyone to talk to. Most say “lighten up!” or “Get over it!” or “You complain too much!”
Ah…I loved it how Anonymous Girl quoted a comment made by Vincent in a earlier post! LOL. that’s awesome. Vincent’s words of wisdom come back!
So it’s interesting and quite fascinating – we have 2 polar opposites of the Asian male spectrum regarding race, dating, etc…..Vincent + KTakaki. vincet is positive and optimistic. Takaki is bit more negative and “dark” as you guys say. I don’t think he’s “dark”. Takaki is just keepin it realz!
@All + Takaki
So I wanted to say one thing about K Takaki – thing is…the Asian American Male experience, especially growing up in the U.S…..is a unique one. I’ve been through it as well. It’s tough and stressful. It’s better now but when you’re a kid, it can be pretty rough. A lot of our childhood trauma stemming from racist white kids go away as we’re adults. But…it manifests itself in different forms now – through the media, hollywood, movies, shows, commercials, etc. Children are so honest. Adults can’t be that honest so they do it via media. So now that we’re older, we experience the same kind of racism but in a different more subtle way. So…my point is that:
(1) that bitterness/anger or whatever – it never goes away. It can subside but for others, it can be made worse and more intense.
(2) When an Asian shares or divulges his/her experience in terms of racism – WHITE people just can’t understand it fully. They can say “oh, i’m sorry to hear that” or whatever and they can imagine what it was like, but white people can NEVER “get it” fully. Ever. Just like a typical white person can’t fully understand the plight of black men. or whatever. So…when guys like Takaki starts ‘bitchin’ about this and that, white people get tired of it. But when another Asian person tells him “chill out dude!”, it may bother Takaki even more. I feel for Takaki because some of my Asian friends are like that – I tell then, “it’s fucked up!” and they say “calm down dude, you’re overreacting” But this is exactly what white people say to minorities when they feel minorities are complaining. But it’s especially more annoying when other Asians say the exact same thing to the Asina complainers. It’s a mild form of Asian on Asian crime
My point is that unless you’re actually Asian, or black or whatever…you, who are not Asians/blacks, can never fully understand why some of us are the way we are. I’ve known Asian guys who have been so many fights growing up with white kids because Asians decided NOT to back down when they were being taunted with racist rants.
So yes, I agree…Takaki is one bitter guy…but at the same time, I understand. I do NOT think he self-hates or he’s ashamed of being Asian or he’s messed up or he’s a victim or he’s a loser with the ladies. Not at all. What I think is this….Takaki, you just need to get laid brotha! I’m serious. You need to stop being so damn picky for one. Second, you need to get laid! then, I assure you, you will be one smiling motherfucker. I’m telling you! don’t be so picky! just date around, date alot. i’ts normal and healthy. you’re young! and you’re ripped!
@ Vincent
You’re right. I should pay less attention to the media.. and I have…… kind of. I don’t watch any hollywood movies anymore… well except Captain America and I was very happy that they put an all-American soldier of Japanese descent into the movie and gave him an awesome line! And Jay Chou in Green Hornet! Although Cameron Diaz refused to kiss him. Oh not to mention the awesome Asian dude in Thor. Too bad he spoke broken English. Then again Thor and his companions spoke in some very archaic and hilarious language. Anyways, you’re right. Fuck the media except when they make awesome movies that don’t portray Asians badly! I’ll do my own shit my own way without their interference. A real man doesn’t let an obstacle stop him from getting what he wants. He crushes that obstacle and walks right through. I need to be more of a real man.
@ Anonymous Poster Girl
So…. are you single? 25 years of age or younger? Decent looking? White/latina? Live in Washington state?
You can e-mail me at lone.yojimbo.ronin@gmail.com if you wanna chat/talk or whatever (on skype).
@S.S.
Oh I see. Yeah I should probably stop typing like that. But you are right I don’t view women as sex objects/play toys. In fact I think to have healthy sexual relations it is very important to first please the woman. And yes I understand that Asian chicks also go through some forms of racism. I think it is still different and less “hurtful” however. And Asian chicks not wanting to date Asian dudes because of their dads, I understand that too, because part of the reason I don’t really want to date an Asian chick is because of my mom… lol.
Yes America definitely has very judgmental people. I am kind of judgemental myself. Probably something I need to work on. But I can usually see positives in people even with a lot of flaws.
Right now I live in a medium sized town south of Seattle, where I have lived msot of my life. I think you said you were thinking bout transferring to WSU earlier? Are you also a Washingtonian?
@ControSAM
LOL spot on bro spot on. I can be dark and brooding sometimes. But I definitely know how to forget all that shit an enjoy myself. I do need to get laid. But I think a foursome is overdoing it. And yeah maybe I should stop being picky but I don’t think my standards are that high
I mean the girl doesn’t really have to be super curvy or anything just a decent looking face and a nice personality.
@ ControSAM:
“They can say “oh, i’m sorry to hear that” or whatever and they can imagine what it was like, but white people can NEVER “get it” fully. Ever.”
As I said in an earlier post… “I want to say that I understood but I know I truly didn’t”. I wouldn’t dare try an patronize an Asian man or any other race and say “I get it”. But I can say that through my exclusive dating of SAM’s I have been a witness to racism… especially if it has been directed towards me because I was seen holding the hand of an Asian man. I know that it is entirely different than what you go through but I just wanted you to know that I got a “taste” of what it’s like for you… but at the end of the day, I know I am white and you are Asian – and you have to live in your own skin. And what really made me see my date as a hero? He went off on the aggressor in my honor… not even thinking of himself and being completely blind to the fact that the comment wouldn’t have been made if he were white. He made me feel safe…
@ Takaki:
You have a spring in your step with the last post, lol… you’re cute. See what happens when you are more positive? You make a girl smile. I think ControSam is right… bring your guard down a bit and just put yourself out there. If you strike out, who cares. Pick yourself up and move onto the next. Play the field and build up your girlfriend resume.
^ If you’re asking men to date around, then you should not complain if you get played. After all, “He just didn’t feel you were that special”.
When you say that a man has to date around, you are saying that his feelings for any girl don’t matter…
meaning that women are interchangeable (if his feelings don’t matter – then neither do yours — equality).
Hope you don’t wind up with a player, Anonymous Poster Girl.
BECAUSE WE WANT HOT HALF CASTE BABIESSSSS !!!!!! WE WANT TO MAKE THE NEXT GENERATION MORE ATTRACTIVE !
I never want to date an asian guy again…. generally filipino… omgssshh… THE WORST!
they’re all clingy and shieee and say I LOVE YOU but at the end of the day they are arseholes…
trust me ive dated 3… and i had enough
@ P Ray:
Thank you for your concern but I have no complaints. In regards to Takaki and my comment to him about dating… what are the chances he would meet his soulmate on the very first date? I see no harm in his going out with a few different women… he needs to gauge what his taste will be in personality, common interests, etc… with the opposite sex. He seems pretty specific about what attracts him but we all know true love can’t be dependent upon looks alone. Understand however, Takaki seems like a nice enough guy and I will assume his casual dating won’t turn him into a player…
A Girl,
P. Ray is light a ray of sunlight, doesn’t he bring so much love to the world. LOL.
P. Ray is just full of self hate. Girls love that. Negative, very knowledge of white media, expert in limiting beliefs. What a man.
P. Ray what is your advice? None, just read and repeat white media statistic of Asian man propaganda. Hows that going for you. I guess you bought into the white media.
The asian brothers who do not buy into that shit date attractive girls.
Stop using the Race Card. Being Asian is not an excuse to talk to girls. There are plenty of white guys who sucks with girls. Explain that.
The main reason most guy suck with girls, because of self hate.
You can chose to live you own life or buy into the white media writing.
Bottom line is women are attracted to attractive men. Regardless of color. Most women are not racist. Problem with most SAM is they dress like dorks and have personality of an engineer. What do you expect. SAM;s need to look for like RAIN. The game will change from there.
@ Vincent:
A confident man is very attractive to most women. It isn’t always about looks. You may be a very handsome guy, and it may get you the girl, but trust me… if you have a sucky personality… it won’t keep the girl. You seem to put a lot of stock in a person’s looks and think if a guy “looks like a dork” a girl won’t be interested in him… I don’t believe that. If he takes good care of himself otherwise, clothes are the easiest thing to change. Some guys don’t mind going shopping with a girl and letting her dress him.
Clothes make the man, right?
Fact about men: Men like boobs, figure, face, personality yada yada!
Fact about woman: Woman like security, masculinity, child lovers, well dressers!
Fact about men: Men hate personal issues and baggage that woman carry around like laundry!
Fact about woman: Woman hate indecency in men being the opposite sex they think men should behave more like females!