SAM Asian Man Lessons: Cockblock 101


Dont cockblock me from Reon Kadena, please!

Don't cockblock me from Reon Kadena, please!

(This is a repost of an old one we lost, but found.)

The art of cock blocking and SAMs. Why do some SAMs cock block other SAMs? Are we that desperate and jealous? Why do SAMs fight over one girl? Cock blocking should never occur unless someone requests it. But when it occurs behind peoples back, its sneaky, deceptive, and selfish. These are four fundamental rules to cock blocking:

1. Never cock block a friend unless specifically requested by the friend
Respect any successful cock block. If a guy takes away the girl you were talking to, let it go. You may have been working on her most of the night but she chose the other guy so just pack up your cock and move on.
3. Any guy hanging out with a group of girls is the Designated Cock Block
4.When cock blocking, anything goes. Just be careful not to cock block yourself.

For SAMs, rule ..1 is of particular interest. Dont backstab your fellow SAM brother! Were in this all together. Dont be so selfish and greedy. Theres plenty of that raw sushi to go around.

Now there are 3 basic types of cock block. The first is the Requested Cock Block. It occurs when a friend is talking or dancing with someone who they wish to get away from but this person has them trapped. Thats when you come in to help your friend get away from this undesirable person. This most commonly happens when there is one guy hanging out with a group of girls, for he is the Designated Cock Block. But SAMsdont be the DCB DCB is typically the one who all the girls only think of as a friend youll never get laid with these girls. As the D.C.B. it is your job to watch out for your lady friends and scare away any sketchy guys. When your friend gives you the signal that she wants a guy to leave her alone thats your cue to come in and pretend that you are the boyfriend that was just away at the bathroom.

The second and more evil type of cock block is the Malicious Cock Block. This is when two or more guys are going after the same girl. SAMsdont backstab your buddy. I see this often enough and its very sad. Support each other and if one of you wins the girl, rather than get jealous or possessive, be happy for him. Shes not the only girl around, theres plenty of more out there for grabs. As Ben Kenobi said, That bitch is our last hope. To which Yoda replied, Shit dogthere is another Yoda is so right.

A very common form of Malicious Cock Block is the Dance Floor Sandwich. This occurs when you go to a club and see a girl you like dancing with another guy, so you go up and dance behind her. She loves it because now shes in the middle of the coveted Dance Floor Sandwich. She knows that both these guys want her and she gets to choose. Shell dances with both of you for a while. But if you dance better than that other guy, if you have just a bit more rhythm, shell turn and face you, making you the Chosen One. If the other guy is respectful of your cock block he will concede and back off, dancing away into cold loneliness. At this point you have won the Dance Floor Sandwich but you cant let your guard down. The night is young and you have to watch out for other cock blockers. Thats why it is a smart idea to always have with you a cock block blocker, also known as The Wingman. (Note: The Dance Floor Sandwich is also a useful tactic for the D.C.B.)

The absolute worst kind of cock block is the Self Cock Block. Cock blocking yourself means that you have done or said something so stupid or offensive that you automatically ruined any chance you had. Ive done this before as well as many SAMs out there: I live with my parents, Im a virgin, I would never marry a non-Asian, Have you played that new Xbox game? and my momma told me these are just a few examples. The girl may laugh at you or laugh later with her girlfriends. At this point, youre done. Call it quits and move on to the next victim. Bow out gracefully and forget how big of a jackass you are. There is no recovery from a self cock block. All you can do is walk away and hope your friends didnt see it.

There is one cock block, however, of such immense power than no man can stand against it alone: The Ugly Friend. The Ugly Friend does not adhere to any of the aforementioned rules of cock blocking, making her all the more dangerous and unpredictable. She will show no mercy, not even at the request of her friends. Her only mission is to make sure her cute friend goes home with her ugly ass, not you. Because of her cold, mechanical brutality, the only way to get around the Ugly Friend is to contain her. Wrangling the Ugly Friend falls under the duties of the once again invaluable Wingman. It is the Wingmans job to distract the Ugly Friend by any means necessary, sometimes even feigning romantic interest. This is the most desperate method but it often proves to be the most effective for the Ugly Friend will not be thinking about blocking your cock if there is a prospect of attaining some cock for herself. A good Wingman is the only defense to the Ugly Friend. So, when going out remember the old Samurai motto, Be Prepared. Always have a Wingman and a plan in case you have to do some cock blocking. – Finis

She isnt the Ugly Asian Friend.

She isn't the 'Ugly Friend'.

7 thoughts on “SAM Asian Man Lessons: Cockblock 101

  1. It has nothing to do with race SAM…you are a how you are…but you can have a blog….and good on you for making something of your apparent deficit.. Some guys are hot, some guys are not…it has nothing to do with race.

  2. “Joe Clyde Says:
    April 7th, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Damn she is hot. No booty but still.”

    You can see her booty? You must have some kind of laser eyes, then, since I cannot see below her waist in that picture, lol :p .

  3. “white Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 9:17 am

    It has nothing to do with race SAM…you are a how you are…but you can have a blog….and good on you for making something of your apparent deficit.. Some guys are hot, some guys are not…it has nothing to do with race.”

    I do not see how SAM brought race into this, other than that SAMs should not cockblock each other, which is actually pretty good advice :p .

  4. I never cockblock SAM, I respect his turn. Just like being a gentlemen. I am asian why are SAM such a cockblock. Maybe it is insecurity and scarcity mindset.

    But I do notice SAM trying to cockblock me alot. I find it weird.

    Its not like he had a chance with her. If you look like a dork you are a dork.

  5. LMFAO at the UGLY FRIEND paragraph. Reads like scripture it’s so true. Something that should be added is the Evolved Ugly Friend. The one who rejects the Wingman’s romantic advances because she knows she’s ugly and his attempts are clearly a ruse. Those CB’s are freaking unreal. Only thing that deals with chicks like that is anonymously buying drinks for all the girls til the Evolved Ugly Friend’s game slips and she either winds up puking and getting driven home in a taxi, publicly embarassing her for some hateful comment she let fly because she’s now drunk and still ugly, or tricking her into traffic on a drunken dare while you slip out the back with the hot one.

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