"Oh, cry me a river dude! Get over it!"
This is a sensitive topic that will probably bring out a lot of pain in our SAM readers across the globe! Sorry to pour salt in your wounds, boys. And, just when your scabs were forming!
SCENARIO: You’re in a relationship and you’re really diggin’ the girl. You feel like you click on that special wavelength, and your heart is pounding all the time. You have pictures of her on your cellphone, and you can actually see yourself with this girl for the rest of your life. But then, the relationship progresses in the wrong direction. She doesn’t answer her phone as often, she seems to always be busy, and you have suspicions that she’s dating that guy she works with. Then, one day, she says, “I don’t want to see you anymore. We’re done.” You try to salvage the relationship but she isn’t having it. You think about all the great times you had, the many hours you spent together, not to mention the money!! (I had a friend who was a businessman who put so much money into a relationship that he didn’t want to walk away. He wanted at least an 8% return on his investment!)
After being dumped, you lose your appetite, and you get drunk every night with your SAM buddies that you’ve ignored for over a year. You can’t help but wallow in your misery. You are emotionally scarred, and you are obsessed about trying to figure out why she dumped your sorry SAM ass! Was I too nice? Was I too mean? Was I not good enough in bed? Did she get turned off when I used that coupon at dinner? Your confidence drops, and you feel like a loser.
"Is that the Whambulance I hear?"
In my opinion, it’s the best thing that can happen to a SAM. Seriously. Only when you feel that intense pain can you really appreciate relationships and how fragile they are. You learn so much from a failed relationship that it’s priceless for your development. It’s the most humanizing experience you’ll ever have, and it’ll make you grow tenfold. When I got dumped, it shattered my ego, and I was down for months. But, I finally understood that despite my mistakes, we weren’t compatible, and there was no way I could’ve forced a different outcome. Those six months of hell made me a better man. Eventually, I was able to forgive and forget her. Having learned a lot from that failed relationship, I have found somebody else who is much more compatible, and I’m really happy how it all turned out. A lot of people are afraid to take risks because they don’t want to get hurt. But, I don’t think you can feel the highs without the lows.
No related posts.
Wow never thought about that, I was kinda dumped not too long ago, and this article kinda helped me feel less alone.
I was with this really nice girl, and she’d dated only white guys before. But she told me when we were together, it was the happiest time she’s ever had in comparison with her past bfs. I knew I’d treated her more seriously. In my opinion none of the others really treated her like a woman, nor like a human being, they just treated her like an object. They cheated on her and used her.
She seemed so fragile inside, I guess in a way I wanted to set it all right. I tried really hard with her, gave her my heart, I was very loving, charming and playful.
But when things were really happy and we started getting serious, and could see potential of this relationship actually going somewhere, she suddenly turned sour on me! She was so scared of being closer with me, kept pushing me away… I don’t understand, she became like a different person!
She became so unsure of what she wanted, she kept asking me to wait, and so I waited and waited for months, but still she was unsure, I tried to push for an answer, but she never gave one and she started growing resentful, I was so upset, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even do my assignments. Until we finally broke it off, I still kept trying to call her, but she just got angry at me. I mean, there’s only so long you can wait right? I mean, I’d be willing to wait, if I knew what I was waiting for, but I didn’t even know what I was waiting for anymore.
I couldn’t get her out of my head, I still really have deep feelings for her. I’ve had to say no to a few other girls because she was still in my heart, I guess I didn’t think it was fair to go out with someone new when you still had someone in your heart (I’m sure most SAMs can relate), but I’m trying to get over her, only because she so deserately wants me to.
Anyway, thanks for the great article! Puts a whole new persepctive on things.
The world may never comprehend the workings of the female mind.
Wow… Either this is an unpopular subject, or there are a lot of SAMs too traumatized to speak up. OR, they’ve never been seriously dumped on because they’ve never been in a relationship!
Old. Wounds. Too. Painful.
I really believe pain is good for your growth, and so it’s not something to avoid. Although, it’s probably not something you want to seek. That would make you a masochist.
Actually, after my major breakup, I really almost lost it. In my head, I was assuming that I would be with her forever, so when we broke up, and I finally realized that I would never see her again, I felt so lonely, and I flipped. I almost had a nervous breakdown. It was scary because I’ve never felt quite so on the edge. I sought therapy, and it helped a lot. I think a lot of Asians are afraid of therapy, especially SAMs, but it is a great thing. You can talk openly and confidentially with a professional, and they really can help you figure out a lot of things. One interesting thing is they dive into your upbringing. At first, I thought she was going on a tangent, but it all made sense at the end.
You see a therapist. and I’ll handle it the old fashioned way. With liquor and pints of ice-cream.
Tonight I attended a fob friend’s dinner party. Her place turned out to be two doors down from my ex’s old digs. Being back there for the first time in two years totally scrambled me, vastly more than the many times I’ve seen the guy himself.
We were six years, but by the end some of the choices we’d made in year three or four made the break-up inevitable. What most seared me was that he employed every cruelty he could possibly imagine in the final breakup, in the very place I found myself tonight. I never properly grieved, which perhaps why I remain so delicate.
According to our many mutual friends, he did it as a kindness to me, we had a lot of love, he hoped his nastiness would hope me recover quickly as it would make me hate him. Go fig, it had the opposite reaction, it made me very wary of men and reluctant to date again. I’ve yet to get far before retreating. My point is: one should wallow a bit at the time, or risk being haunted.
I’ve never been dumped by someone I really cared about, but I have been dumped by this one biyatch whom I didn’t care about at all. But when she was dumping my sorry ass, I started to care. Pathetic of me I know! But I felt rejected and suddenly, I felt undesired when before, I was. All I know is this. Getting dumped is very very tough to get over. But I learned there’s only one remedy: Time. It’s during these times where you wish so badly that you can forward time.
Been dumped and have dumped. All of it stinks. I wondered is there some formula to making better decisions about who to hook up with? Answer: No. It’s life happening to you, that’s all. I even decided to NOT love anymore to just like, catch if I could, and be done when I was done. But I couldn’t live like that either. I think the thing about being dumped is; it makes you not trust yourself, it makes you feel rejected and ugly and unwanted. You pour your heart into someone, let down your hair, and show all your imperfections and then zoom….it’s done. And you stare at your face in the mirror and think “what’s wrong with me? Why wasn’t I good enough?” Well, I was good enough.
And as a friend said. “Hey, it’s not about you, it’s about them, they don’t know what they lost in you.”
Sounded good at the time….
I think a lot of people beat up on themselves too much when a relationship doesn’t work. Don’t blame yourself. It really is all about chemistry, and it’s nobody’s fault if it doesn’t work out. You are just being yourself just like they are. Obviously, you don’t want to not be yourself in a relationship since that would be deceiving and fake, and eventually they will find out who you really are.
It seems that the people who are considered attractive are the ones who are confident about themselves, and accept their imperfections as being human. So, I don’t think that showing your imperfections is what causes breakups. I think it’s usually the opposite: Relationships go sour where people can’t show their imperfections due to insecurities and pride.
Yeah, I think this topic is a sore point for many, either because they’ve experienced it – so it brings up bad memories or they haven’t yet.
I’ve been dumped and I have dumped, neither is easier. I believe every guy to be dumped at one point in their life, most likely a first love.
When you first become close with someone, you begin to trust them – theres no reason you shouldn’t. Enjoy those times because you never know what tomorrow brings. And I say that frankly, not just because you might be dumped but like life other tragic things can happen as well.
Enjoy those times for it is those times that will get you through the harder ones in life. You will feel a joy, a happiness that you didn’t know existed. And like everything you don’t want it to end.
But if it does its like as if the earth disappeared from under your feet. Its like you’re in this deep hole surrounded by darkness, but you must climb out of that hole as hard as it is.
Theres an old saying “that the skys is never as blue, or the grass never as green, once you’ve had a broken heart”. For the most part thats true, taking the saying at face value I do notice there are changes. I think it is that theres a naive happiness of the first love, since you’ve never experienced it before. So when you fall out of it you become more cynical.
When I met my second girlfriend in college, we dated for 3 years although we only saw each other once a week and free time during classes. And after that amount of time you either commit or you move on. After much soul searching I decided that this wasn’t the life partner for me. And breaking it off was the most painful thing that I’ve ever had to do, I mean ever.
Whether or not that was a mistake, will shape me for years to come. One thing I learnt was that dumping is never easy to take and never easy to dish out. Unfortunately my first love was a user, and now I know why she didn’t want to ever kiss, but didn’t mind getting close – not sexual, but close.
In relationships you need to know yourself or learn more about what you want out of life. After the 3 years with my second girlfriend I knew who I was before that I didn’t know who I was. Though we would be a happy couple, we didn’t have much in common and there was a bit of a language barrier. But if you know me, then you know I take marriage seriously. So I wasn’t going to string my girlfriend along till I found someone better. So I did what I thought was honorable and broke it off, she was young so she could still find someone.
You grow as a person, and sometimes the people you have in your life are the right ones there or are not. You must make a decision what you want in your life. There are too many people marrying because of fears, then later get divorced. Don’t be callous with your life, learn from it and surround yourself with people you can trust to tell you the truth.
Don’t second guess yourself if it didn’t work out, just learn from it and move on. Second guessing helps nobody, just know some people are more compatible together than others. If we all stayed together with the first person we fell for, then the world would be a happier place — but like the visa commercials say, “If life were like that…”, but we know it isn’t.
The thing that is really hard about the breakup is that you’ve spent months, maybe years with this person, and then one day, after the breakup, it is no longer appropriate to call them anymore. It’s as if they died, and they are no longer part of your world. That sudden change in lifestyle is so hard to get past, and it makes you feel so lonely.
Some people try to remain friends, but it seems that it only makes it harder for the dumped to get over their situation. It’s hard, but I feel it’s better to completely cut ties and move on.
Yeah, don’t remain friends after, only unless it was an ammicable breakup. Cause if you remain friends after being dumped, its like having a dagger in your side and just inching it out — never fully out and never fully gone. It makes you pathetic and weak, in your weakest moment and you just continue hurting yourself
Bottom line in the end you’re never gonna be friends, so when you’re dumped just drop seeing her, theres no gain from it logically. Yeah it feels like you’ve fallen off cloud 9 onto hard ground, learn to walk again and you’ll some soon learn to fly again.