70 thoughts on “Why don’t I ever see SAMs with a Black Girl?”

1. Michelle, where do you live? You obviously don’t live in the U.S.? You should ask the Asian guys out! They tend to be shy sometimes but I bet they are intersted in you

2. Well what do you do if your shy to talk to asians and your black?

3. I have dated black girls before, it isn’t that great, I still get black girls approaching me at clubs, its a known fact black girls like Asian guys. the only thing an asian guy needs to do is, say hi I think your cute. Its pretty much on from there. Black girls are shun by black men, so they know what it feels like to be left out.

   I don’t really like you blog, and try not to read it. You always talk about your limiting beliefs and complaining. Why don’t you just dress nicer, workout, make more money and start competing for girls.

   I notice the reason why most Asian guys are not good with girls in general is due to there lack of participation. Asian men don’t have a strong sex drive as white or black men. If you look at the night clubs there is barely any Asian men, but there are plenty of asian girls there. Asian girls know how to date, all they have to do is show up and dress nice. To be a man you have to approach girls and seduce her. Asian men just suck at. Just ask any Asian guy who is good with girls, the will say it is a skill. I date white girls, Latinos. I prefer not to date black girls, they have to strong of a personality, but they are fantastic in bed. I also like Asian girls, but I avoid them, out of fear of rejection. I only focus on the really hot Asian girls, because they know how to talk to men, and they don’t care if your white or Asian. They have been around the block. Focus on hot girls, they have more experience and know what they want. They want a man who will be men. period.

4. How about saving the money and ensuring the hot girls look for you?
   That way, you don’t waste your time on people who won’t meet you halfway … and you preserve your emotions and drive to improve yourself (a relationship being broken up, has put people in the psych ward and on suicide watch).

   Also good to remember that in the final analysis … a player needs dependable men who will take away all the women he has disappointed.
   Don’t be the dependable man coming second in somebody’s mind, don’t be in a relationship where you get no respect.

   “Men who will be men” is nonsense. Sounds like Bill Bennet. “Man up, young man. If the relationship has problems – it is all YOUR fault”.

5. I had a few asian male friends at university. Two things I observed was that firstly they were all quite annoyed that most asian girls went out with white guys or atleast had a clear preference for them over asian males. This disdain often took the shape of an inferity complex.
   Secondly, most asian guys had a inferiority complex when it came to their bodies and often questioned whethert hey had the ‘tools’ to satisfy white females. Given the stereo types, they were even more less self assured when it came to discussion of whether they could satisfy a black female.

6. Why don’t you guys just give up. throw in the towel. Live up to the white man expectation of you.

   Just quit…..

   I am asian I date girls. Period. Stop complaing…. compete!

   My nice clothes, workout, and ask girls out.

   The problem is you want a shortcut and a magic pill. You want it to be easy. Like how the white man make it look. I’m sorry to tell you. Hardwork pays off. Just like in school.

7. @Vincent: Hiya! Well, I’m an African American woman. I must say, although some of your arguement is sound, I do in fact issue w/you thoughts regarding, “Black men shun Black women.” Sweets, that is simply NOT true! ALL of my ex’s (I’m older, so I’ve ‘dated’ a lot) have been Black, and I have NEVER been shuned by them. I’ve also lived in Atlanta, GA., Washington, D.C., and on the island of O’ahu (north of the famous ‘Punch Bowl’). I can tell you personally that the most ‘coveted’ women in these cities are BLACK WOMEN!!! Especially those of us who are well rounded/educated. In future, PLEASE do NOT spout such nonsense. Shame on you, love!

   My question to you is this: Why were your experiences w/Afr. Am./Bristish/Canadian (assuming that you’ve had this much experience w/MY sisters) not “that” great? Yet, you’re rather harsh on the Asian brothers for their “game” or lack of. Take my request for a thought provoking, ensightful answer as a CHALLANGE! Yes, Vincent, I’m callin’ YOU out for your understated commentary, which lacked proof, profound ensight, and explaination.

   Vincent, I will NEVER lose sleep over whether or not you like/dislike Black women, but your ‘sorted’ reasoning is what disturbed me most. Not to mention the fact that you ‘called-out’ OUR Asian brothers, whom might in fact NOT see AM/BW couples in their cities and whom many of which are interested in Black women, or at least curious. Thank GOD they have a safe forum to share/discuss these issues,,,, happy I stumbled here, as well.
   So, VINCENT, my love, “You’ve got some ‘splainin’ ta do!” LOL.

   Laters!
   J-Boogie

8. Good point. J-Boogie.

   What I meant by black women experience in being shun by black men is. They understand the competition of dating. Asian men and black women both complain about there situation.

   Asian man or a person of color has a very good chance with a black women. The reason they have a good chance is, because black women understand racism and prejudice. So they have a common bond. I notice it is very easy for me to date Black or Latino, or any girl that understand racism. Those girls tend to be a person of color. I notice I am able to get along with Jewish girls who happen to be white. Because Jewish girls understand racism. It would be very difficult for me to get along with a white girl from Alabama, who is a republican.

   In regards to my interest in dating black girls. I think it is awesome that Asian guys are interested in Black girls. I think they are beautiful. I think I wrote in a way it is mistranslated. As I said before, I have dated black girls before. I did enjoy it. I just think the article is glorifying it as something special. It isn’t special. If you are interested in a black/green/yellow girl. Just go over there and tell her. Its nothen special. Just 2 people who are dating. I am Asian, and I have a preference for Asian girls. Thats all. I am currently not trying to date white/latino/black. I just happen to date them, sometimes there aren’t that many quality Asian girls. We all have preferences.

9. This is an old post…but I thought I would comment on the orginal post and some of the commentors.

   I say interacial dating is good. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but for those who desire to be with someone outside their race and just love that person more power to you. I am really tired of media telling me and the world what is socially acceptable. Such as wm/wf, wm/af…in fact white with anything, the cream of the crop is white…I am over it. I have been tempted to throw my tv in the garbage…but I love shows like the Game and Trueblood…and the occasional Bad Girls Club…that has stopped me…I digress.

   I truly feel society does not take seriously the power of social media and how it influences trends not only economically but socially…We can see this in how a lot of Asian men are apprehensive of dating black women and the same thing goes for black women.

   For black women, because we know this, to open the door, you have to let us know you are interested in us. Otherwise it may be difficult to discern if you even like black women. Cause the truth is some guys are not feeling black women but there is nothing wrong with that. Same thing goes for black women and their preferences.

   Coming from a black woman’s perspective. I am not feeling any guy that is not feeling the sistas. A guy has to let me know he is into me…because truth be told, not every dude is into dating black women. Whether it is because of societal norms or just simple attraction…same thing goes for other races. But in the case of black women…we tend not to be the objects of desire of most men (according to media unless it has to do with sexual conquest or fetish). Therefore society’s heirachy of dersirability leaves black women at the bottom.

   Black people in general need someone who is ‘ride or die’ in the sense of, you wont run when things gets hot dating a black person. If you can’t say f*ck you to society that looks down on you for dating someone who is black, latino or asian, just stick to your own. Because dating a black person especially can be a beautiful thing but you may have to endure the heat from society. If you can’t endure then get to stepping.

   Same thing goes for those with our own race. I can’t stand a person who is black that bleeches, or dates interacially to have ‘pretty babaies.’ Anyone who feels inferior to a white person just because of they drank the cool-aide and bought in euroethnocenrism, I cannot respect. I judge by character, that was how I was raised. I give people a clean slate to show me who they are.

   Black people in America at some point in their lives meet a cross road. Rich or poor. I grew up in the burbs in Washington. They reach a point when they realize they are black and the negative connotations ascribed to being black. (I am sure other minorities may meet this croassroad). When we are kids in the playground we are just young and having fun race is not important. But at that point they have to decide whether they are going give a big f*ck you to society and hold pride in being black and not buying into ‘whites are surperior’ crap or they believe it and blatantly or secretly, believing the ‘whiter the brighter.’ Most blacks give a big f*ck you. Some don’t, I can’t stand the ones who don’t. Black people may or may not have a chip on their shoulder but understand this. And most blacks don’t want someone who wont give a big f*ck you to society that looks down on them or who they are dating. Blacks are used to taking sh*t, so it’s like whatever. But they want some who is the same and gets it.

   So SAMs, those of you who are interested in dating black women that is great and if you find that you meet the right woman, understand the implications of dating a black woman, it can be a beautiful thing but if you are not strong enough to give a big f*ck you to those who may give you sneers or a family who may shun you or mock you, because of your girl, then it is better to not to have started with the girl at all. Because all women regardless of race want their man to stand buy them and be their protector. If you can’t do that, (respectfully)then you better get to stepping.

   @Vincent
   I think anyone whether it s black women or asian men who use their race as a crutch for the dispora of their dating life is not serious, at all.

   You got to take care of your self. You need to have white teeth, fresh breath, dress appropriately for the men/women you want to attract…generally just take care of your appearance. I have never had a problem attracting white, arabic, African, some Asian males. Black men are a little tricky..but I am in Washington…so I consider that a factor. But when I hit reggai clubs the brothers were feeling me a lot.

   If you wanna get it, you can get it. The real competition is just getting out there and doing what you can to connect with the opposit sex. And having a fun time while you are doing it and not dwelling on your race bing a factor. Just by getting out there and meeting the ladies you increase your odds of meeting someone and getting laid. If you don’t try, no probability of success. You may crash and burn (as we all do at times), but you just laugh it off and keep it moving.

   I hope this helps.

10. I was really scared to even look at the comments section to this old post, but now I am relieved that I did not see as much ignorance as I had feared.

    I’m yet another black woman who has always been very attracted to Asian men. I’ve thought about why, and I think it has to do with my pediatrician, who was Korean. He was the only Asian man I knew during my pre-pubescence, and he was so paternal. He was very kind and he treated me like a little girl- not a social problem or a future criminal, or some walking filth. He was also the most reliable man in my life during my childhood. (Funny how most Asian girls have Asian fathers and yet favor whites, and I “imprinted” on an Asian man and am “ride or die” for them since then. Hmmm.)

    My first crush was on a Cambodian boy in middle school. I sent him a letter sprayed with perfume and everything. Didn’t work out; he had zero interest in me, sadly. In high school I dated a Filipino guy and two Chinese. I was married to an American born Japanese man for 10 years, but we are divorced now (which had nothing to do with racial factors btw). Since the divorce I’ve dated two Korean men. When I remarry, I know I’ll marry an Asian man- it’s not even a question. I dated two white guys and most of my BFFs have been white guys, but I really prefer Asian men for romance.

    I love so many things about Asian guys. First on the list, superficial as it sounds… is I am physically attracted to them. I just love the way they look. They tend to have amazing skin that feels fantastic, and I love their eyes and hair.

    I love how empathetic they are, too. Things like body language and tone of voice convey most of the meaning in conversation, and it has been my experience that Asian men can read nonverbal communications very well. This makes relationships easier for both parties.

    I’m a graduate student at an Ivy league university, so I am surrounded by gorgeous Asian men all the time. It can be hard to focus with so much eye candy everywhere! Sadly, most of these guys have bought into the racial hierarchy lock stock and barrel. Now that a handful of white girls are open to dating Asian guys, the race is on to win a white trophy. That doesn’t bode well for me, numerically.

    What I have found is that Asian men from Asia are much much more willing to look at me as an individual woman. They weren’t trained from birth to see me as some sort of she-male because I’m black, they value my scholarly pursuits, and they appreciate that I am open to learning about their culture.

    I have found that American-born men by and large are less interested in me, and are quick to prejudge me as one sort of stereotype or another. They think they’ve got me all figured out, and it’s very frustrating when they are shocked and awed that I don’t act like a walking stereotype. Either they have written me off as ugly, or they think I’m some sex crazed vixen, or they think i’m an “oreo” because I’m from the suburbs.

    American-born guys are the least likely ones I could have a relationship with though my ex husband was born here so it’s not impossible. I don’t want to turn around and do the same thing to them that they do to me, but I want to remarry. (I’m in my early 30′s; I married young the first time). I will focus on the foreign born men because I feel I have the greatest chance of success with them. Of course, if an American born guy presents himself, he won’t be turned away, but odds are overwhelmingly high that I will marry a foreign guy, especially because I’ll be relocating for two years to South Korea.

    I doubt anyone will even read this comment on such an old post lol but I just wanted to chime in and say that black women are interested in Asian men, and this is nothing new.

11. The OP put out the biggest point why SAMs don’t go for black chicks. We ain’t scared of them. We ain’t gonna get beat up by them. But the bitches think that way and we can’t get near em cuz of that. How you gonna be making your move when they got it in their head you scared of em? You can’t even say one word witout some bs like you just a cute little chinaman.

12. Just wanted to say that my life would be about a billion times easier if I preferred white guys. (I am a black woman who prefers Asian men.) White men are the ones who are interested in me, who ask me out etc. It seems the vast majority of Asian guys would literally rather be alone forever than with a slim, pretty, ambitious black woman with Ivy credentials, a great wit and a genuine love for Asian men…. just because I am black. It’s sad, really.

    Other black women like me who prefer Asian men have admitted to me that they gave up and married white men. They got so tired of being rejected out of hand by Asian guys who firmly believe in the racial hierarchy (the same hierarchy that shits on Asian men and places them at the bottom, but they believe it like it’s God’s own words when it comes to black women). So they just couldn’t take being shit on any more and married white. When their husband goes to sleep they troll the AMBW sites gawking at Korean idols, and watch their oppas on youtube.

    In a way, I think the generation after me will have it easier. BW/WM pairings are increasing at a rapid clip and I am seeing more and more of them everywhere. I know that the whitewashed Asian guys who loathe black women now, will start to want them after they see that the white man wants them…. because for a lot of Asian men, white is always right. If the white man wants it, it must be quality. If the white man chases her, she must be beautiful. That’s the logic I see among so many Asian guys. Mental slavery.

    I find it rankling to see so many posts on here where guys bitch and moan about how women reject them instantly for being Asian, and then they list every race EXCEPT black women as possible mates. SMDH. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

    Anyway, I don’t want to be one of those women who hungrily eyeballs Asian guys behind her white husband’s back, so I’m just not going there. But like I said, my life would be tremendously easier if I was not so attracted to Asian men.

13. @ Capngown
    Very smart post
    How ironic you could be attracted to Asian men and at the same time see through their fundamental flaws (which are not in the least superficial).
    Your logic about the majority of Asians is correct. Unfortunately also, this is not the logic of the majority of Asians, men and women. At least I can say this is not the logic that the majority of Asians grasp quite well. Not because they are incapable of understanding it, but because they are not encouraged and not “allowed” to understand it. The reasons are cultural but I won’t debate on it here!
    In a nutshell, mental slavery, that’s correct.

14. Mental slavery? I’m a Korean American living in Japan. All this “white is right” crap is total BS! That’s only Asian Americans cuz they been fed that bull all their lives. All my life I grew up with the white boys thinking they’re better. I got passed over for a promotion at my favorite job cuz some white boy’s dad was buddy buddy with the boss and “asians love crunching numbers. My best pals bought into all that and dated white exclusively. I got so sick of it I moved and relocated here in Nagoya. Once you leave the country Asians are boss! White boys are looked at like exotic freaks here. The Japanese girls like gawking at them but when you’re a studly Korean that can speak white boy English AND both Japanese and Korean the girls flock to you. I get this typical line “you can be so odd (pronounced yankee) and still be so comfortable (pronounced normal). ” I get that all the time. They also don’t have some f’ed up taboo on blacks. Girls love black guys. Guys love black chicks. They even got a whole section of AV dedicated to Black/Japanese. No section for the white boys.

    So don’t be batching Asian Americans with the rest of Asia. Just wash out the brain damage and be all the Asian you can be!

15. @ Srsly? I think you missed my earlier post, in which I explained that I will probably marry a foreign born Asian guy. The difference you describe between Japanese in Japan and Asian-Americans is in line with my experiences as well.

    @AsianNerd lol at your username! I use a similar one on other forums. I think I came off a bit bitter and jaded on here, which wasn’t my intention. It’s hard not to let the situation get to you.

    I try to focus on the guys who aren’t whitewashed, and who are strong enough to resist the pressure to conform to the hegemony of American culture. It’s about a jillion times easier to resist that programming when it wasn’t spoonfed to you from birth. There was no structural “need” to emphasize black inferiority in Asia like there was here. It’s literally built into the fabric of our society. Coming into this fucked up milieu from the outside as an adult, especially an educated and well traveled adult, makes it easier to suss out the BS and resist it.

    Lately I am seeing Asian guys dating white women who are clearly not up to scratch… a couple I saw at my local H-Mart made me SMDH… this white woman was at least 450lbs and that is being kind. Her face…. wow. And her boyfriend was a Korean guy who could not keep his hands off her! Arm around her waist, gazing at her all lovingly and stuff. Parading her around like he had a supermodel. Now, he was nothing to write home about, looks-wise, himself. But I had to think his adulation of this woman was race based because men do NOT get all jazzed about a woman’s personality to that level and her looks were definitely sub-par.

    Random side note: When I’m out on a date with an Asian guy, sometimes we get stink-eye from young Asian guys, but we get big smiles and even thumbs up from older Asian men!!! One older Chinese man even bought us drinks! Much love to the ajusshis out there, supporting blasian relationships!!!!

16. @ Capngown

    “lol at your username!”

    In fact this is how I am, a nerd! And I don’t feel like I am going to change.

    Your first post was alike a biographical rant.

    Your second post was the most interesting. It was deadly accurate.

    When facing this kind of observation (your second post), the first “normal” reaction from a “normal” Asian person would be denial. This is a reactive approach which does not come off as a surprise since it is well known that the Asian population is quite an adaptive one. This duality “adaptive vs. reactive” always exists in any “normal” circumstance. The purpose of being very adaptive is to become successful (materially, romantically or otherwise) in an outer environment and being very reactive in such foreign environment will also guarantee failure to integration.

    Being highly adaptive has a big catch because it includes being whitewashed!
    The same adaptive person who is whitewashed can become reactive when his environment changes. For example, in America, the white man can be perceived as a god/torturer while in Asia, this same white man can be considered as the court jester. In truth, he is neither a god nor a buffoon. This false dichotomy has been created because of choice, the choice to succeed materially, romantically etc.

    “this white woman was at least 450lbs and that is being kind. Her face…. wow. And her boyfriend was a Korean guy who could not keep his hands off her!”

    A positive note about the 450 lbs. woman, Asian men are generally (I repeat generally) quite loyal. May be this woman weighed much less the first time he met her. May be he has some white fetish and this has further helped him to continue to cherish her… well I don’t know and I don’t want to be too cynical here!

17. I think the Korean guy has a fat fetish not so much a white fetish.
    I’m an Indo American and I totally get all the hate for us Asian Americans. I’ve got tons of friends that act just like that but they end up being called twinkies. I have a whole lota friends who are totally into the Asian vibe but then they get called FOBs. It’s a vicious cycle!
    I’m gonna agree with capngown. Asians are very adaptive. We can fit in anywhere if we want and in America it gets easy to go with the status quo instead of being a rebel. I don’t have a preference for women personally. I mean as long as she’s female I’d hit it. lol

18. You know what, LOLSam… you might be right about the fat fetish… but somehow I don’t think I’ll encounter a Korean guy fawning all over an 450+ lb BLACK woman. I mean, theoretically it is possible but I think it is unlikely at best. Her whiteness matters.

    That’s the shitty thing about life on planet earth: your race is not your choice, but you are damned sure held accountable for it

19. @ capngown
    I am just wondering if your preference for Asian men while excluding black men who are attracted to you. The Asian male community in the US uses the same analogy of Asian women only dating white men and excluding Asian guys or putting down their own race of men. We would call them self-hating or white wash sell outs who want to assimilate in white society and forget their own heritage and culture.
    I make a distinction between regular people who are open minded in dating and happens to fall in love with someone of a different race and culture which I respect. Someone be who is open minded and does not reject their own as opposed to someone for example a white guy who has an Asian fetish for all woman and either rejects their own race. That is what I call a fetisher who either stereotypes Asian women sexually or culturally.
    I just hope you are the open-minded one and do not reject your own men; although I do know in America that supposedly there is a problem for single black professional women looking single and straight black professional men. In my experience some attractive SBF did seem to be flirting with me at the office, but I got married recently to an attractive Asian Indonesian woman.

20. Hi Dman,

    I’m not blind! I have seen attractive men of all races, even though I am very strongly physically attracted to Asian men. I have dated white guys because those were the men around me in the suburbs where I was born and raised, and those were the guys who met my criteria in a man and who asked me out. Even though they didn’t have that raw physical appeal that an Asian man does, I still gave them a chance. No suitable black man has presented himself as a serious candidate for my affections thus far, and it is highly improbable that it will happen.

    Meanwhile, I’m hip deep in handsome Asian guys on my campus- many of whom are ambitious, intelligent, funny, AND attracted to me. I try not to focus on the guys who are too whitewashed and instead I try to appreciate the great guys out there who are awesome enough to recognize a quality woman when they see one.

    Random side note: I went to get some food after class yesterday, and I was having a rough day This older Filipino guy bent over backwards to be chivalrous to me, and he made me so happy when he said “You are so beautiful!” What a sweetie! Other men tell me often that I look nice or they like my dress, etc but this man just cut right to the chase, and he was so genuine! Bless his heart, he made me smile when I was sad.