Asian American girls who HATE Asian guys

abused bruised asian girl?This topic has come up a few times before, but I was thinking about this the other night after AM empowerment mentioned this phenomenon. He mentioned there are lots of Asian American girls who actually refuse to date Asian American guys. I’ve heard the hypothesis that they are just trying to marry ‘UP’, and attain approval in the US by marrying into a white or non-Asian family. But, I don’t think this is the case, because these girls he mentioned actually HATE Asian guys, and REFUSE to date them. It just doesn’t make any sense to abandon your race just to get ahead. You can marry non-Asian, but still have a good relationship with your Asian American family and friends, you know? So, what gives?

I don’t think that it has to do with being ridiculed by non-Asians growing up, either. Because, if anything, that would make you closer to your family. They would provide the support and comfort at home while you’re battling the outside world. And, most Asians who are ridiculed react by standing up for their heritage. You usually resent the source of the pain, and that would be the racists saying all these things. So, I rule this out as a logical reason.

I’m no expert, and I’m hypothesizing, so I may be completely wrong. But I think that these girls who hate Asian guys must’ve had major issues at home. I am guessing that their fathers were abusive, violent, or unfaithful men. These girls were either abused directly, or their mothers were abused physically or emotionally. They grew up hating their dads, and avoided anyone who reminded them of him as a result. In other words, us. They associated all that pain and abuse with Asian men, and to a certain extent, Asian culture. So, they start acting more white so they can get with non-Asian men, and eventually marry out. Maybe these are the girls spreading rumors that Asian men are abusive. I don’t doubt that it’s true though. Being raised in traditional chauvinistic Asian societies, I bet a lot of men take liberties and beat their wives when they get frustrated.

The reason I thought about this is because I know a guy who was abused by his mom as a kid. Now, he’s a guy, but he still really resents his mom, and he has an odd identity crisis where he isn’t proud of his Korean heritage. He likes it when people think he’s Japanese, which is odd, don’t you think? I’ve heard him diss Korean culture, and he picked up Japanese even though he can’t speak Korean well. He’s gets depressed and lonely, and he doesn’t get along with native Koreans that well. He hasn’t completely rejected his culture, but he seems to get along with non-Korean girls better. He rarely talks to his family, and IMO, he has lots of hangups. It all makes sense to me. Reading on therapy and psychology, almost everyone’s hangups come from upbringing, and how they react to it with their personality.

So, I think these girls are victims more than they are haters, and they need some help to figure out their issues. If you ask them, they probably won’t mention they were abused, but will give you all these lame reasons why they hate Asian men: short, small penis, not sexy, etc… The real reason is probably that we remind them too much of their dads. I think it requires a truly traumatic experience to hate your own. Again, this is just a hypothesis, and I’m not a psychologist.

259 thoughts on “Asian American girls who HATE Asian guys

  1. I have to agree with Jerome. It’s not just about finding the ‘ONE’. It’s about socializing and getting along first, because even if you meet the perfect girl, if you haven’t had any experience socializing, you won’t be able to be natural and truly express yourself. When you ask people out and go out, you are in a sense ‘building your social muscles’ if you will. Further, it is very hard to just randomly meet a great girl at a bar or on the street. If you go out with a girl, and it doesn’t work out, she might have a friend who is just right for you. By making friends and connections, you broaden the playing field. It’s so much easier, and most people meet their partners through friends, work and sports/hobby organizations. If you write people off even from a first impression, you’re basically cutting off opportunities.

  2. “”””The thing with American girls it that they know Asian guys are devalued in America, so the ones who are “less valuable” try to trick the more valuable Asian guys into dating “down.” I’m not falling for that shit.”””””

    K Takaki@

    Where do you come up with this shit, are you living in some fantasy world. Or do you live in reality. Wow?

    Feeding attention whores? Is this your only experience with the opposite sex.

    From what I understand you don’t talk to girls or ask them out. How can you have a realistic answer. Are you living in reality or a fantasy world?

    All your comments come from your lack of experience, your not even 21 and you don’t even talk to girls.

    You sound like you have alot of excuses and your living a lie.

    How do you know that girls don’t like you. …… Your a virgin…in every way. I’m not putting your down. But come on man….you speak from no experience with the oppositie sex. Its like a guy who never fights, and talks about fighting…what the fuck is that….You don’t even approach or talk to girls…. And than you come up with all these excuses to prevent yourself from dealing with failure or success…

    Start living your life and start particpateing in dating….Get off the sideline and into the game of life.

    Jesus Christ….I quit this site…It is a fucking sad day for all SAM….I never had self hate…but man, I have lost alll respect for my Asian brothers….They don’t particpate in dating…that is the main problem. SAM are not even in the game…..There all on the sideline..

    This is what is wrong with all SAM’s…they live in a fantasy world.

  3. @ Jerome

    I’m talking about when you see the fatter/chubby or not very good looking girls go after the decent looking Asian guys. I’m always disappointed if an Asian brother falls for that. One of my cousins is an example of that. I believe objectively he could have gotten a pretty good looking girl but he told me he “settled” for his overweight girlfriend because “there just weren’t any others” which I do not believe at all. This is not the fantasy world. Maybe in Brazil things are not like this, but come to small town America and this is how things work. It sounds like a “fantasy” or I think more appropriately “living hell” because it is THAT illogical and fucked up. So your reaction is of course appropriate because you’ve never seen just how bad it is in most of the USA.

    I never said I do not talk to girls. I only rarely talk to girls and I have talked to girls until a few months ago. Like I said before, usually the ones I talk to and am interested in, are already taken (they already have boyfriends). And as I said before two girls have approached me in the last 6 months and they both had nasty personalities and one even had the nerve to talk about how she cheated off some Asian nerd in high school. If I find a new location maybe things will be different. I would definitely like to try Seattle despite the fact that may Asian American women there still prefer white men.

    Also, you have to realize that all women are attention whores and/or gold diggers to some extent. It is both culturally and biologically ingrained in them, though this is mostly the case only in English speaking countries. And they think that they are all fucking “princesses” who are entitled to being treated like royalty by men yet are extremely insecure and have to constantly test if their man is “manly enough” and if the man does ever cave into her desires and DOES treat here like a “princess,” she dumps him right away because he has become boring. Why the hell do you think all the guys “good at dating” tell people that the most important thing NEVER to do with a woman is to cave in to exactly what she wants? Because many women are messed up in the head and she will stop wanting you if you act like a Beta male and give her everything she wants. Women in the USA only want “Alpha males” who will never cave and playing the mindgames with these women is like a fucking full time job. You can give her some of what she wants some days but in order to never lose the “attraction” you have to be like a jackass and put your foot down and occasionally treat her badly or at the very least not agree to what she wants. If an Asian guy tried this, he would probably simply be labeled as a jackass, but if a non-Asian guy tries this, he is usually chased after, though this is not always the case. The point is that in America, when we act as “Alpha” as possible we are labeled as misogynist or simply as assholes and if we act “Beta,” well we already have a reputation as “Betas” here due to the media and the general stupidity of the masses. So it is a lose-lose situation here in America. This isn’t just my experience, but the experience of all the men I have ever talked to about dating, including non-Asian guys. Many non-Asian guys in the USA are also fed up with the stupidity of the American girls’ mindgames and constant, insecure need to test to see if her man is an “Alpha male.” These girls are so entitled and fucked up in the head I do not believe it is worthwhile to date here.

  4. I think its also a status thing…constructed by the pathetic stereotypical portrayals of asian guys in the media of course…sucked up by the asian females that are sad and insecure enough to follow it…or even if they don’t buy it- just having a white BF probably gives an easier life in a way…just as being white gives an easier life! In this current time although things are getting better as more of us asians stand up for ourselves yeah

    I hate the stereotype that non asian guys love asian girls just for the pu**y and submissive exotic sex slave thing though. I’m an asian girl and been with my white BF for a year now… the amount of ignorant comments he gets about that is pretty damn sad!

    That being said, I’m pretty sure that email was a big troll. Though I don’t doubt there are messed up shitheads out there who think like that!

  5. First off, I want to say a very big FUCK YOU to all the self-hating Asian women who won’t even give an Asian man a chance. I’m glad you removed yourself from the dating pool for us. I wouldn’t want to wake up one morning with a racist in my bed.

    Now, for the dating. It’s not about being an asshole or a nice guy. It’s about the traits involved. The reason most Asian men do poorly is due to the strong stereotype against us. YOU MUST DIFFERENTIATE YOURSELF FROM THAT STEREOTYPE!!!

    work on your accent
    be more assertive/quit being so shy
    APPROACH WOMEN
    block out all the brainwashing bullshit from your parents and become your own soul
    get fitter
    Dress more like a “bad boy” (jeans, tank top, v-necks, button down shirts) – make sure it FITS your body.
    Get a life. Don’t obsess over video games.

    Girls want someone who has “bad boy traits” is fun/unpredictable, confident, humorous/teases them (not ha ha funny, but sexual tension funny – eg “you look great today. I’m flattered you’re trying so hard to impress me”.

    They ALSO want someone who has “nice guy” qualities like loyalty, caring, and smart.

    They simply choose bad boy over nice guy because that’s usually all they get…just those two black and white options and bad boy is the LESSER of the two evils – they’d rather have fun than boring even if it results in heartbreak.

    However, they would absolutely choose the mixed version of bad boy with nice guy if he existed so you can become that guy. You don’t have to be cheating piece of shit asshole to get chicks. Don’t give up my brothers!!!

    Read Juggler’s dating guide. It’s good stuff.

  6. From someone who has actually dated an Asian man:

    I don’t know about the self-hating bit. I am half Asian and my boyfriend is from China. We were together for eight years. Before dating my boyfriend, I was mostly attracted to white guys, because what can I say? 90% of my home town was white and maybe 3% Asian (if I’m being generous). There were just more white guys to crush on. Recently, he broke up with me to see what else he could find in the wide world, and I still found myself attracted to Caucasians and Asians, but I’m in California now, so there are more options for those races, I suppose. I’d have to say that a lot of Asian girls are probably with white guys due to availability. Let’s say you are single in an average American city. In any location, given a choice, you’d probably only find about 5-10% of the available people date-able by your standards (based on age, education level, attractiveness, personality, etc). If you are in a city where it is 90% white, then the chances of people you’d consider dating incidentally being white are high relative to other nationalities. Hell, if I didn’t know any better, just going by the Asian guys in my home town, I would have thought all Asians were bookish, short, and tended to be clique-y (most were from another country and only hung out with those from their own country), but then again, there were so few of them in that town.

    When I went to college in upstate NY, there were more Asian people, and a lot of the Asian girls tended to date other Asian guys (a few exclusively so). The ones that didn’t date their own race were not particularly adament that their man be non Asian, it just turned out that way. In fact, one of my roommates decried the lack of Asian men she could find attractive (she was from Northern China where the men tend to be taller) and basically dated white guys because she was making due until she went back home to where the men were more “tall, dark, and handsome.”

    I, however, am not blind and I do know that there are some Asian or half-Asian girls who will not date Asians for a variety of reasons… some are simply attracted to white features and variable colorings (in the same way that my boyfriend was attracted to white and half-Asian/half-white women such as myself… he thought I had exotic features).

    Others feel that white men make better partners. I must say that even my boyfriend’s father told me the same thing (HIS father, not mine). He stated, “You’re not going to listen to me, but Chinese men don’t make good husbands.” In a way, he is correct. Before you jump on me over this one, let me explain. Asian men tend to have insanely high standards compared to the average white guy. You want to take about entitlement? I am not fat (consistently about a small/med), but I will never be Asian-skinny. Although my boyfriend appreciated the fact that I had T&A, he constantly complained about my weight and what I ate while my white male friends thought I was fine, and he was being a moron (especially considering his weight gain during our relationship). He complained that I wasn’t making as much money as I should have been considering my education, although the economy has been tough and I made 20% MORE than he did anyways. (And if I am allowed to be slightly sexist, I am the woman in this relationship. I am not going to complain that my man makes less than me because hell, my mom out-earns my dad these days, but no man should expect me to make double his salary!) He also complained I couldn’t keep house as nicely as his stay-at-home Chinese mother and I couldn’t cook as well as her, and I was going to have to shape up in more ways than one if I was going to live with him one day. He was also selfish and found it hard to understand a lot of basic relationship ettiquette (such as the preceeding rant about salaries), though that may be a result of the one-child law back in his home country where he grew up, which apparently gave him the mistaken notion that he was God’s gift to women. Before you point out that he’s just an anomaly… I’ve had white female friends with the same experiences with their Asian boyfriends. I assume Asian American men are probably nicer and less selfish in relationships, but my Asian American male friends still have very high standards regarding physical beauty, which sometimes backfires when the girl turns out to be superficial and manipulative. Look, I’m not telling my Asian or Asian American brothers to “settle,” but sometimes take a second look at a nice girl and don’t automatically reject her because she’s not a size 0 and doesn’t know her way around a MAC counter.

  7. @Rage
    I agree with you about self hating Asians women and Asian males who only seek other races and essentially disown their own. I put Asian males in that category who only seeks white woman and strays away from his own heritage too. They don’t want to learn their own language or culture and they exist to seek white approval and reject
    their own heritage and people. The same goes for white men who only have Asian fetish for women and inherently rejects their own kind of women.

    Having said that, there are true interracial relationships of women and men who happen to fall in love with another race or culture and do not have the self hatred within their own kind. I will respect these relationships. Otherwise I try to promote Asian love and I created videos on youtube to present this lacking in regular predominately white dominated media television and movies.

    Asian couples in Love

    Asian couples in Love II

    Asian couples in Love III

    Asian Couples in Love IV

  8. I have to share this video on youtube titled Asian Marriage Negotiations or Sh*t Asian Girls say to Asian Men. Remember this is a “parody spoof” that apply in “some” circumstances of Asian women who are blinded and prefer to date white men (and rejects Asian men) as well as the white male Asian fetisher who also rejects white women. Don’t be like them as they do exists.

  9. i’m an asian girl and I HATE asian american guys. The ones that try to act all cool and “swag” in front of girls in order to hide their insecurities. I was walking past a group of asian american guys and i noticed them looking at me and one of them said “i would love to fuck a girl with that kind of attitude.” They have the fucking dumbest attitude. We’re not in precentury where girls are just looked at as toys. Why dont you try maybe getting a life instead of living your little asian guy life where girls just worship you all day.

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