This topic has come up a few times before, but I was thinking about this the other night after AM empowerment mentioned this phenomenon. He mentioned there are lots of Asian American girls who actually refuse to date Asian American guys. I’ve heard the hypothesis that they are just trying to marry ‘UP’, and attain approval in the US by marrying into a white or non-Asian family. But, I don’t think this is the case, because these girls he mentioned actually HATE Asian guys, and REFUSE to date them. It just doesn’t make any sense to abandon your race just to get ahead. You can marry non-Asian, but still have a good relationship with your Asian American family and friends, you know? So, what gives?
I don’t think that it has to do with being ridiculed by non-Asians growing up, either. Because, if anything, that would make you closer to your family. They would provide the support and comfort at home while you’re battling the outside world. And, most Asians who are ridiculed react by standing up for their heritage. You usually resent the source of the pain, and that would be the racists saying all these things. So, I rule this out as a logical reason.
I’m no expert, and I’m hypothesizing, so I may be completely wrong. But I think that these girls who hate Asian guys must’ve had major issues at home. I am guessing that their fathers were abusive, violent, or unfaithful men. These girls were either abused directly, or their mothers were abused physically or emotionally. They grew up hating their dads, and avoided anyone who reminded them of him as a result. In other words, us. They associated all that pain and abuse with Asian men, and to a certain extent, Asian culture. So, they start acting more white so they can get with non-Asian men, and eventually marry out. Maybe these are the girls spreading rumors that Asian men are abusive. I don’t doubt that it’s true though. Being raised in traditional chauvinistic Asian societies, I bet a lot of men take liberties and beat their wives when they get frustrated.
The reason I thought about this is because I know a guy who was abused by his mom as a kid. Now, he’s a guy, but he still really resents his mom, and he has an odd identity crisis where he isn’t proud of his Korean heritage. He likes it when people think he’s Japanese, which is odd, don’t you think? I’ve heard him diss Korean culture, and he picked up Japanese even though he can’t speak Korean well. He’s gets depressed and lonely, and he doesn’t get along with native Koreans that well. He hasn’t completely rejected his culture, but he seems to get along with non-Korean girls better. He rarely talks to his family, and IMO, he has lots of hangups. It all makes sense to me. Reading on therapy and psychology, almost everyone’s hangups come from upbringing, and how they react to it with their personality.
So, I think these girls are victims more than they are haters, and they need some help to figure out their issues. If you ask them, they probably won’t mention they were abused, but will give you all these lame reasons why they hate Asian men: short, small penis, not sexy, etc… The real reason is probably that we remind them too much of their dads. I think it requires a truly traumatic experience to hate your own. Again, this is just a hypothesis, and I’m not a psychologist.