So here is a very very common dilemma I see with SAMs as well as SAFs in their late 20s or early 30s. They feel this social pressure to get married, so they are in a state of desperation. Their parents keep nagging them. Everywhere they go, they are looking for potential prospects; at work, at school, at the mall, at Burger King. They want to get married, and they want to do it NOW. The only problem with this is that when you are desperate, nobody wants to be with you. And, the harder you try, the more people are driven away because they can feel that anxiety and tension in you. Meanwhile, since these desperados are looking for their ideal mate, they are incredibly picky, and don’t give casual dating a chance.

They’ve created this unrealistically ideal image of their soulmate in their minds, and they are looking around for a perfect fit. If somebody doesn’t meet the requirements in the first 5 minutes, then they move on to the next person. Most people trapped in this thinking end up single all their lives.

Relax and breath deep. Take it one step at a time. It makes no sense to think about marriage when you don’t even have a partner yet! I have a friend who has planned his wedding out; he knows the venue, and he knows all the guests he will invite. He knows who will be his groomsmen, and his best man. The only problem is, he is single, and he doesn’t know who his wife is gonna be! Man…That’s like collecting game cartridges before you’ve even bought a PS2!

You don’t want to be thinking about marriage unless you’ve dated somebody for a long time. And, you don’t want to be picky before you’ve dated, either. Reserve your judgment till 3 or 4 casual dates have passed. Give people a chance. Remember that you are not GOD, and you’re not perfect. (Probably far from it if you’re 30 and single still!) So, you have no right to expect perfection in others.

One thing I realized with love is that it is chemistry, and that is something that you can never predict. Your mind is incapable of it, since it’s a feeling you will get, and it is not based totally on looks or status. You will meet lots of people who are beautiful or successful, but you won’t feel that it’s right. That’s because that chemistry goes beyond the surface. So, try your best to get rid of that ideal image in your head. It’s just a mirage that will prevent you from focusing on reality.

So, start by getting social and making friends. Then, start casually dating for fun, experience, and to understand people more. Finally, if you meet a nice fit, date them for awhile to see if they are really right for you. You owe yourself this since you don’t want to make the mistake of marrying too quickly and getting divorced. Finally, if you both feel it’s right, then get married. See, this is the natural process of marriage. You could easily get married to some other desperate person tomorrow if you really wanted to, but will you be really happy? No. So, make sure that you have marriage out of your mind while in the early stages of meeting people and dating. Anytime you become goal-oriented like that, you will be stiff, and you will not be in the current moment.

Lastly, think about if marriage is something that you really want or not. Some people are happy being single all their lives. They like the excitement and the freedom. And, that’s fine. Not everybody has to get married. So, don’t listen to what your parents want of you. Instead, listen to your heart.

Related posts:

1. Too many SAMs and not enough SAFs
2. Who is gonna step it up?