Being “Too” Sensitive

Green SAM

What’s up with SAMs being overly sensitive when it comes to women (or maybe men if you swing that way?)  SAMs develop a psycho like attachment to one girl (most likely asian) and when they get rejected, they fall to pieces…they can’t work, they don’t socialize, and more importantly they don’t move on.  Here’s my view…

Chances are she was not the “one” for you.  That means, get off your ass, suck it up and move on.  She’s not the only girl in the world.  There are others.  Try dating outside your social circle for once.  Try dating a non-asian.  And more importantly, just DATE…don’t hang out with a girl for a while, go shopping, make dinner, see a movie, etc. and not be clear on where you are with your relationship with her.  Chances are you’re in the friend zone so don’t pretend it’s something else.  Jeez…

Street Cred


You see, I learned late in life that when you have street cred, you attract attention. Women are mystified by men who have street cred. Women think “he’s mysterious, I wonder what he’s thinking…” When you have street cred, people think you’re a ‘bad boy’. SAMs need to get more of this street cred. You see, most SAMs are model minorities – they follow the rules, are passive, complacent, subservient, and never ever break the law. They follow the strict and narrow road that leads to countless clones of SAM. We need street cred. We need to have that edge and create this persona of a ‘bad boy’. Yes, we are accountants, doctors, and lawyers, but…at night, we need to be baaaaaaad. And I don’t mean go out and steal white girls’ underwear or high heel shoes. That’s creepy. We need to start fights in public and let people know we don’t take shit from anyone. And yes, even from the Black folks…well…actually, let’s not mess with them…they can fuck us SAMs up pretty good I would imagine. So leave the Blacks alone. Allen Iverson has it. Kobe Bryant now has it. And I personally think Yao Ming should get it but he’s too good of a guy. Street cred ups the ante, it increases your stock value. Nike shoes sales go up when a certain NBA star gets street cred. It’s all about the perception and creating that illusion that yes, Long Duck Dong….is one bad motherfucker. Don’t fuck with him. Or else, he’ll do a couple of chop sueys on your ass.

SAMs & LAN Parties


Fellow SAMs, please stop with the LAN parties. Seriously. For those of you who don’t know, a LAN party is when you link up to 4 Xbox’s and play Halo with 16 other dudes. That’s right…16 oriental sausages under one roof, yelling and screaming at each other, “You shot me!”, “Cover me, I’m going in!”, and “Fire in the hole!”. Yes, I’ve been part of it. And yes, I had a blast. But at the end of the night, I go home, depressed. Because I just wasted 4 hours playing Halo. Fellas! Don’t have LAN parties on a Saturday night. Go out and meet girls! I’ve seen SAMs bring their Xbox’s in a special leather Xbox case/bag to these LAN parties. And they don’t forget their little geeky Xbox Live headsets. Pathetic! Why do SAMs love these so much? While others are out, at clubs, dancing, partying, drinking, and socializing with women, SAMs are at Long Duck Dong’s house playing Halo on a Saturday night. What would you rather do? Get 15 in a row headshot in Halo? Or go out and meet chicks? Don’t say it SAM! Don’t say it! AGH! Motherfucker said it – “I’d rather capture the flag in Halo and save the galaxy”. 

SAM Personals – All the wrong moves…

So, I googled ‘Single Asian Male’, and I found these two postings on craigslist.  Check it out:
Single asian male seeking a lady – 33 (berkeley)
Im a 33 yo single asian male looking for some one to meet for a discrete no strings attached relationship. We can start off with meeting somewhere for a quick drink and if we click we can meet somewhere more private. Im a very nice guy who will treat you with respect. If this sound like you please respond with a pic and when u are available.

Single asian male looking for a lady – 34 (walnut creek, bay area)
Hi, Im a single asian male looking for a someone to hang out with tonite. We can grab a few drinks or meet for coffee to get to know each other better. If the chemistry is right we’ll take it from there. Please respond with a description and a pic if interested. Im 34yo, 5’10”, and 170lb

So, these two SAMs are looking for company, but again, are making classic SAM mistakes!  Let me start my lesson!  Continue reading

Voice Your Opinion SAMs!

Hello and thanks for coming to our site!  We hope our articles give you insight into Single Asian Male issues, as well as Asian American issues in general.  Our intent is to write from different perspectives, and to write with raw emotion, raw language, honesty, and humor.  Some of what we say is very harsh, rude, nasty, and politically incorrect, but at least we tell it like it is!  We encourage you to write and comment since this is a forum for YOU.  Don’t keep it bottled up.  We want to hear your opinions and thoughts!  Sharing ideas is the way we can empower SAMs.

I’d like to introduce the crew:

Dark_SAM Controversial SAM – Seething, funny, and sensitive to a lot of Asian American issues.  Preoccupied with why SAMs can’t get white girls!  Knowledgeable in psychology, business, music, sports, computers, and girls.


Green SAM Well Adjusted SAM – He’s the well-acclimated, laid back one.  Plus, he’s got a white girlfriend, so he’s got skillz!  He’ll write some advice columns for you SAMs.  Knowledgeable in business, cooking, travel, computers, and girls.

Reflective SAM

 Reflective SAM – He’s all about improving the state of SAMs.  Likes to analyze the culture, psychology, and influences that shape SAMs.  Believes in complete assimilation, even if it means destroying old Asian traditions.  Knowledgeable in web-technology, art, music, and relationships.

Bitter SAM Bitter SAM – The most vocal and always angry.  His comments tend to be Rated-R.  Tends to say ‘poonanee’ a lot…  Knowledgeable in psychology, clubs, and beer.

Your Parents Raised You to be Single, SAM

asian guy single culture

"Me so horny"

SAMs are frustrated, and I know a lot of you want to blame girls  and American culture for your frustrations.  But, before you do, blame your parents and Asian culture.  “What?!!”, you ask?  Let me explain.

The way we are raised as Asians, we tend to give respect and power to our parents.  This is the influence of Confucianism on Asian cultures, which preaches group harmony, respect for elders, and devotion to family.  We are subordinate to our family name and legacy. We learn to be obedient, nice, predictable, and well-mannered in order to maintain this family harmony.  We are taught to behave everywhere we go, and not tarnish the family name.  We learn what is acceptable behavior, and suppress our personal expression at times.  Lots of Asians do what their parents say, and spend all their time trying to please them by becoming lawyers and doctors, or marrying within their race.  We are more cautious of our actions, tend to express less since the less you express, the less you can be criticized, both at home and at school.   Continue reading

Where is the Love?

Asian man with white woman

"Hot Asian guy - Hot White girl"

So my white girlfriend thinks this site is pretty funny.  But, I explained to her that there really are guys like this out there.  And, they just don’t know any better.  Let me tell you a little about myself which may, or may not help give me some credibility when I tell you what you need to do to not be TOO SAM.

  • I was born in the US.  This means that I don’t have an accent and more importantly, I understand American culture.  This doesn’t mean I spent my youth watching American TV or wearing American clothes to fit in.  It meant that I had a diversified group of friends (white, black, hispanic, and yes asian) and really embraced diversity in all aspects.
  • I’m pretty tall and damn good looking.  Just kidding, but I am fairly athletic, tall and coordinated and really enjoy competitive sports.  Most competitive sports are in a group setting, so whether it’s rugby, football, soccer, or even playing in a tennis league, there are lots of people around…meaning that it’s a social activity.
  • I’ve dated all across the race spectrum…hispanic, white, asian, etc.  I truly believe that beautiful women are Continue reading

Typical SAM: Short, black hair with gel

short hair asian men

"Hair is everything"

Let me guess? You have short black hair, and it’s a bit stiff. HA! I knew it! It baffles me that so many SAMs look like cleancut, professional lawyers and doctors. Oh, that’s right! Lots of SAMs ARE lawyers and doctors! But, I digress. My point is it’s just too prominent. Here are a few fashion tips for you SAMs concerning your hair. Hair is important guys! Don’t you know the biblical story of SAMson? His HAIR was the source of his power and vitality! And it’s also true for us when it comes to getting girls. Girls don’t want a guy with a bad hairdo. Here are some guidelines for you:

1. Go easy on the gel!!! Let’s face it, we Asians need hair product cuz most of us have stiff, straight hair that is hard to style otherwise. But, don’t use too much! I keep seeing these SAMs who put so much gel in their hair that you can see down to their scalps. You know what I’m talkin’ about! It reminds me of a porcupine, or a sea urchin. Continue reading

Asian Americans who can’t speak English

speak english accent

"But Uncle Sam...I not wanna go back!"

I’ve met quite a few Asians who basically grew up in the U.S. but can’t speak proper English; more like Engrish. What’s going on over here? If you just got off the boat, fine…You’re excused. But if you’ve been living here for more than 10+ years, your English should be halfway decent. It’s crazy to think that these fools can’t speak at all. I just can’t respect those who come here and never take the time to learn English, either to further their career or job or to just socialize with the rest of English speaking world. But most importantly, how are you going to pick up non-Asian women if you can’t even speak English? Continue reading

Trials & Tribulations of SAMs and things that make you go hmmm…

Asian man with women

"Big Pimpin"

These are the questions we address here – these are the difficult questions we as SAMs must ask ourselves every freakin’ single day.

Why aren’t we out there dating?  
Why are we so passive with women?  
Why are we so picky? Why do we have so much pride?  
Why do we make so many excuses for being single for so long?  
Why do we lose Asian women to white guys? Why do so many Asian women date outside of their race but why don’t we do the same?  
Why in God’s name are so many of us in our late 20’s/early 30’s still virgins?  
Why don’t SAMs ever get laid? Ever!!! Why do so many SAMs I know say they have a big penis…..compared to other SAMs?  
Where is our Asian Johnny Depp? Or Asian Brad Pitt? Or Asian George Clooney? Continue reading